Promise by the Peach Tree
by Aeirwen
Summary: At the age of 7, during the Battle of Changban, Xiao Qin and her infant brother, A'dou, were left behind with their mother as her father fled for his life. Though rescued by Zhao Yun, she can't help but blame him for her mother's death as well as the punishment A'dou received from their father for a crime that he had not committed. Zhao Yun (178 AD) Liu Qin (201 AD).
1. Chapter 1

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 1

To Forgive and Forget

* * *

Long ago, I lived a humble life with my mother and my father. I know my father's history, he was a direct descendant of Han royalty as well as a volunteer soldier, trying to make a name for himself. People described him as benevolent, a man of emotion, going out of his own way to help those who were in need.

I was barely born around those times when he began to make a name for himself. And though he was always off to war, I can at the very least remember that I held a strong and special bond with him…

I can remember small memories within a peach garden… My small hands in his large ones… They say my first word, "Baba", was spoken there to get his attention when my first steps took place. Whenever I was troubled, my father knew where to find me, and there, he would sooth and comfort me.

I loved my father dearly until…

Until…

The cries of war roared loudly outside the walls that a woman and her two children took shelter in. The young girl, perhaps about five or six years old, trembled as she held onto her mother.

"Mama," she quietly cried as she was shh'ed. The infant within her arms cried lightly, due to the chaotic disturbances from outside, as she tried to calm him down. Together, both mother and daughter trembled in fear as a shadow cast over the entrance of their shelter. And when bright light had hit them…

"My Lady!" They looked up to the young warrior as he pulled them out, "Let us go!"

He pulled the crying infant from the worn out mother and tied him to his chest. She grabbed her daughter's hand and ran with their savior who came to lead them to safety. Wei soldiers appeared from no where but was easily taken down.

The group continued to run until the woman lost her grip on her daughter and tripped over a stone.

"Mama!" The young girl cried, trying to pull her mother back up as she winced and held onto her ankle. "Hurry! Get up!" Tears streamed down her dirty face as the warrior turned to see what had happened. Enemy soldiers quickly began to approach, but the mother and daughter were defended. "Mama! Get up! Hurry before more of them come!"

"My Lady, are you alright?" He came to assist her but she waved him off.

"I am fine…" She shut her eyes tightly in pain. Not from her fall, but from what she was about to do. Trying to contain her tears, she grabbed her crying daughter and slightly shook her. "Qin! Listen to me!" She lightly slapped her daughter to snap her out of her fears. "Xiao Qin, I cannot go any further. I'll only hinder the safety of you and your brother. You must promise me, Qin, that no matter what, you'll always take care of A'dou!"

The little girl only cried and shook her head, "No, Mama! I won't go without you!" Her face was sticky and it was obvious that dirt and dust decided to stick on her baby features. From her small nose, boogers began to run.

"Xiao Qin!"

Little Qin only cried and refused to accept her mother's wishes.

Seeing this, the mother of the two crying children shook her head and looked up to their savior. "Please," she pleaded, "take them…" Her daughter cried and screamed, protesting as she held onto her mother's tattered robes tightly. "Tell your lord…that these two children are important to me."

He stared at her, hesitant, but nodded, pulling the crying girl away from her mother. He grabbed some near by rope and tied the girl to his back securely before running off without a second glance. For how could he? He had two helpless children tied to him, and the older would be old enough to remember this tragedy and bloodshed. Little Qin cried and screamed, reaching out to her mother as their distance grew further and further. No matter what she did, the ropes that attached her to the man would not loosen. Lady Gan only watched and stared, biting her lip before turning away to cry. The young girl on his back shouted and scream for her mother to run as she saw Wei soldiers quickly approaching. They surrounded her and screams and cries could be heard, echoing in her ears. She shouted, never to see her mother again.

As the young warrior fought his way through, defending the young children of his lord, he had eventually lead them to safety, untying his Lord's children from him and handing them over to two large men. "I trust that they are in good hands."

"Of course," said the one with the long beard.

"The children of our sworn brother are like our children!" exclaimed the other as he held onto the sleeping girl, fixing her on his horse.

"Take care then."

"Are you not coming?"

"I will hold them off before I catch up."

"Be careful then."

"May the gods be with you."

The young warrior turned to the foot soldiers and stood, ready before charging as the children rode off in the safety of their uncles' arms. The bridge between them lighting on fire.

"Yunchang, take Xiao Qin with you, I'm going to hold them off too." Their horses slowed down and the strong man lifted the young girl over to his sworn brother.

"Yide, be sure to watch your back."

"What do you mean 'watch my back', I'm already watching yours! Just go!" The long bearded man nodded and rode off while the other one pulled out his weapon, charging back at the approaching cavalry.

* * *

"So Zilong has not yet returned…"

It was a new day, a recently established warlord paced about in the early sunlight as his people gathered. Men were rallied. Their lord held a quiet infant in his arms, his son.

And the next thing he did would shock them.

I stood and I watched as my very own father threw my little brother onto the ground. Shocked, just as everyone else was, I could hear my heart pulsing slowly before his cries reached my ears.

"My officers hold greater importance to me than my own children."

And at that moment, it felt as though something within me snapped and I shrieked from the top of my lungs, scaring and shocking everyone present as maids and servants did their best to calm me down. I pushed through them and ran towards my father, pushing him away from A'dou and shouted at him, "You will BURN!" I stared at him with wide eyes, barely breathing as my body shook, my fingers trembled before I screeched in front of all of his generals, pulling and messing up my neatly put hair. I stopped and stood there, all was quiet, I breathed in and out…slowly… Is this what it felt like to die?

Along with my baby brother's cries, in my mind, I can hear my mother's shrieking echoing through my head as well. My fingers began to clench in my hair as I bit my lip…

"This child…!" My father held his hand up to retaliate but noticed that I was already in tears, picking up A'dou, staring at my father with a look in between glaring and crying before running off.

* * *

The sun began to set, for some reason, I always seem to find a peach garden somewhere, wherever I went. I sat on my bottom with my knees to my chest at the bottom of a tall peach tree, watching A'dou as he gummed and sucked on a peach that I had picked for him. I had already stopped crying long ago, but I still held troubled thoughts.

During the Battle of Changban, my father abandoned me and my family in order to flee. I saw lots of dead bodies and blood everywhere. I felt haunted… Not only did I lose my two half sisters, I lost my mother as well. My father was the one who abandoned us, the one who left us to die, and not only that, he threw my precious brother onto the ground and clearly stated from his very own lips, that our importance could not compare to his officers.

My very own father doesn't love us at all…

Those words, they say it all…

It was then that I promised my mother that no matter what, I will always take care of and protect A'dou, especially from my father…

The peach slipped from A'dou's hands and rolled away. He fell onto his stomach, cooling, and crawled after it. "Baba!" I heard him call out as a tall shadow cast over us. I looked up and immediately, as quickly as I possibly could, got up and grabbed A'dou, trying to make a run for it, even if it was obvious that I could never outrun my father with my short legs.

And I didn't…

My father had already caught my arm and got on his knee, pulling me into an embrace. A'dou teeter tottered over and fell, hitting his face on my father's armor and cried before being picked up by him.

"Xiao Qin, I am truly sorry for what I've done. I was blinded by rage, can you find it in her heart to forgive me?"

I stood there in his embrace with a straight face, I told myself not to cry, but I couldn't control my emotions. I wept onto his shoulder guard as he patted my back softly. And because I was sobbing uncontrollably, A'dou began to cry too. Our father laughed as he picked us both up and carried us to what we'd call home for a while.

That night, we all slept in the same bed, just like it used to be with just my father, my mother, and me and A'dou. Only…my mother was no longer in the picture…

I couldn't sleep that night, I stayed awake in the comfort of my father's arms, while fearing him at the same time.

Dead bodies haunted my dreams and there was bloodshed everywhere. My father left us to die and he threw A'dou off from a cliff. Those visions wouldn't leave me alone and so that night, I stayed up the whole night, stared at the ceiling with tears running down my face quietly…

While fearing him…I don't think I can ever forgive my father…

I will never forgive him...

* * *

"A'dou! Take smaller bites!" I gritted my teeth as my brows furrowed. I patted A'dou's back, frowning at his idiocy of eating too quickly.

A'dou coughed and swallowed down dumplings, drinking tea, before replying, "I can't! Qin Jie Jie cooked a lot of dumplings that if I don't digest as many as I can now, I won't have any more space available in my stomach for the rest!"

"A'dou!"

_It's been about ten years…since the battle of Changban…_

"Qin Jie Jie, I'll eat them!" Guan Suo appeared and joined us at the table within the peach garden with his older siblings as well as Bao Sanniang and Zhang Bao and his younger sisters, Xing Cai and Zhang Li. "Qin Jie Jie, xie xie~!"

"Uwaah! Dumplings, so many!" Xiao Sanniang exclaimed. "Qin Jie Jie's dumplings are always the best! Xiao Shan is so lucky to have an older sister like Qin Jie Jie!"

"Ah, it doesn't even taste that good, I only tried my best." I smiled at my younger cousins, all about A'dou's age except for Ping and Xing who were a little older than I was or just as old. Ping sat right beside me and that was just fine with me. Because we were the oldest, we would always confide in one another.

Xing Cai giggled quietly, "Qin Jie Jie is as modest as ever."

Guan Ping laughed, "Only when she wants to be!" Everyone laughed except for me, frowning at Ping.

"Hey! Just be quiet and eat your dumplings!" Since we all grew up together, we were really like family.

I turned my head away from the group and noticed someone. "Ah, Lord Zhao Yun, you've returned. Lord Liu Bei's been hoping to see you."

"Ah, thank you." I watched as an eunuch led a familiar officer into the domain. I frowned at the older man when we made eye contact and he smiled at me. I only rolled my eyes and turned to join my brothers and sisters again.

After Chang Ban, Officer Zhao Yun returned at some point, safe and sound. Though I am thankful that he saved my life… I couldn't help but feel ill hearted at him. After all, I would have rather died than to leave my mother's side. And it was because of him that my brother suffered a punishment he committed no crime for. It's all because of him.

Even if he did save my brother's life…twice…

"Ah, Lady Liu, your father wishes to meet with you as well."

I frowned and turned to the eunuch, "Now…?" I looked up at Zhao Yun as he kindly smiled down at me. The years have been kind to him. He still looked as young as he did ten years ago, but much more mature…and manly.

"Now, Lady Liu."

I sighed and slowly got up, following Lord Zhao Yun and the eunuch quietly as my brothers and sisters began making comments.

"Ooh~! Looks like Uncle Bei is going to marry off Xiao Qin to Lord Zhao Yun~! Considering they're both being called in at the same time, this hasn't happened before!"

"Qin Jie Jie and Lord Zhao Yun, sitting in a tree…" I glared at the back of Zhao Yun as Sanniang sung. "…I-N-G~!"

"Ah! But I want to be the one who marries Qin Jie Jie! Ack! Ow! What was that for?"

"You don't want to marry me?!"

"You can be my concubine! :D Ow!"

"Now you deserved that one," A'dou chuckled quietly.

"Xiao Shan!"

"Well, either way, we all know Ping Ge Ge is the one who really wants to marry Xiao Qin."

"What! No way! Xiao Qin is like you guys! She's like a little sister to me! I can't imagine living a life with her! Imagine who would be in control!"

"What!? Xiao Shan, Brother Ping thinks of us as sisters to him…it must be because you and I are just as pretty as Xiao Sanniang, Yinping Jie Jie, Xiao Cai, and Xiao Li…"

"What?!"

"No! That's not what I meant!"

"Either way, if you were married to Qin, considering her personality, you'd be whipped, Brother!" Xiao Suo laughed from afar at Xing Ge Ge's comment as I glared even more at the back of the general in front of me… Even if it was the truth, or possibly the truth, it still hurts.

Either way, there was no possible way Father would marry me off to a man who is more than twice as old as I am, let alone this man… I know it's a childish grudge to hold onto but I couldn't let go. Lord Zhao Yun, however, didn't seemed to be bothered by their words. Why, anyone should be horrified to the thought of marrying me. I'll do whatever it takes to make their life miserable.

"Announcing Lord Zhao Yun and Lady Liu Qin."

I sighed, not even bothering to bow to my father like Zhao Yun did and picked out a mat to sit on. Zhao Yun did the same, only keeping a distance from me.

"Zilong, it's been a long while." My father sat up at his throne.

Zhao Yun laughed and smiled, still looking as young as he did ten years ago. How these genetics worked, Qin had absolutely no clue. "Yes, it had, My lord. I see that Xiao Qin and Xiao Shan have grown quite big now."

"Children grow quickly, it's astonishing." The Emperor of Shu commented in amusement to Zhao Yun. _Not really_, I frowned. "Qin, have you greeted Lord Zhao Yun yet?"

"Yes." I made no further statements.

"Oh?"

I frowned a little, "We made eye contact." That was certainly not the answer he had wanted from me.

I was testing my father's patience, like always, and he knew that. He kept it. "Qin, you must learn by practicing good manners and hospitality. Greet him properly."

"That is not necessary, Lord Xuande," Zhao Yun smiled and shook it off.

"You are the savior of my children. Qin owes her life to you," I frowned at that, trying not to glare at him. As soon as I hit my teens, he never called my 'little' anymore. Instead of 'Xiao Qin', it was now only 'Qin'. "Qin, practice makes perfect, as you always say to Shan. You are an adult now, act like one."

I glared up at my father, allowing Zhao Yun to feel the obvious tension before I looked away from them. "Greetings, Lord Zhao Yun…" I spoke with hostility.

"And to you, Lady Qin…" He chuckled a little, trying to ease the tensions I brought.

"From now on, Qin, you must stop skipping Lord Zhao Yun's lectures and attend them like all of your brothers and sisters. If you don't listen to me, what will people say?"

"What? That you can't control your own daughter?"

"No," My father seemed to have more patience than I do, but I'm going to burst his bubble. "They are going to look past you and in the end, you will be all alone."

"You are the one who left A'dou and I alone in Changban with Mother!" Only…I had burst first. "What is it that you want with the both of us?! Surely not small talk!"

"It's nice to speak with my only daughter every once in a while…" I frowned at my father as he only stared down at me softly. "I have come to a proposal involving the both of you." No way… "Zilong, I am aware that you have politely declined Lady Fan's marriage proposal, so I have a proposal for you. I see no greater warrior worthy of my only daughter. You've saved her life once for me, I see it only fit that she is yours."

"No, you can't be serious!" I stood up on my knees.

"My Lord, I am honored by your offer, but it is not necessary so I must kindly refuse. Especially without Xiao Qin's approval, I feel that just your thought alone, is gratitude enough." Zhao Yun tried to be the one who lightened up the place, smiling and laughing kindly.

"But Qin owes you her life, you are aging, Zilong, it should be about time that you settle down."

"Ba! Lord Zhao Yun clearly does not want me, that will be enough!"

"I-it's not that I don't want Xiao Qin, she has grown to become a beautiful young woman—"

"Qin, I am your father, I will make the decisions."

"You were never my father and ceased to be my father ever since you threw A'dou onto the ground because Lord Zhao Yun did not return at the same time we did! If Lord Zhao Yun is so important to you, why won't you marry him then!"

"Xiao Qin!"

"Qin! Sit back down!"

I had already stood up and left the room. I rushed past the laughing group of my siblings and tried to find elsewhere to be alone.

Liu Shan stopped laughing along with everyone else and scratched his head before Brother Ping decided to get up and follow after me.

My father knew I held a grudge and he dared to set me up with Zhao Yun.

Just thinking about it infuriated me… I screamed and kicked at the air and pulled on my hair, messing it all up.

"How very unladylike of you, Xiao Qin." A quiet voice laughed as I turned to him.

"You should have told Uncle Yu to hurry up and ask my father!"

"I did." Guan Ping smiled sadly and chuckled to blow it off.

I stared at Ping in disbelief. "Then why?"

"Because Uncle Bei didn't see it fit. We are like siblings in his eyes."

I frowned at Ping before falling to my knees, covering my face, as he came over to embrace me. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes as he placed a soft caress from his lips on my cheeks, wiping my tears away.

"I only want you."

"I know."


	2. Chapter 2

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 2

The Hurt and Haunted

* * *

I sighed, sitting in front of my Lord, bowing to him for his daughter who ran off in rage. "Forgive me for her outburst, My Lord."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Zilong." I stared back up at Lord Liu Bei, watching him sigh as he looked away. "It is I who should apologize."

"Forgive me, My Lord, but I wish to know, why exactly did you propose this marriage?" As an honest adult, more than twice as old as My Lord's daughter, I was only curious.

For ten years, though Lord Liu Shan and the rest of Lord Liu Bei's and Lord Guan Yu's and Lord Zhang Fe's listened and hoped to follow after me, it was only Lady Liu Qin who did not wish to have my presence anywhere near hers. And whenever we were to meet by chance and cross each other's pass, she would either glare, or give me no expression at all, as though I did not exist or did not matter to her.

It was perfectly fine, after all, one less young maiden to heart break, but to think that she really hated me that much, it was something I only experienced from her.

"To be honest…" Lord Liu Bei thought a little, perhaps to choose his words wisely, "I am sadden by the thought that even after ten years, my daughter cannot find it in her heart to forgive me." I nodded, that was understandable. "I've been trying to find a way to mend her heart and ease her mind, but she would not let me near her or even spend time alone with Liu Shan. She fears that I may kill him."

"So you wish to marry her off so you may bond more with Lord Liu Shan, My Lord?"

I watched him as he shook his head, "It is not just that. Xiao Qin has already had a couple of marriage proposals, but I have refused them all already. It is true that I see no one as fit as you to take my daughter, but it is also true that I want to ease her mind so that she may trust me more with Shan."

"Why is it that she does not trust you?" I quirked a brow at him. "All because of Changban?"

"Changban is the only thing that can escape her lips, but it is not just Changban." Lord Liu Bei, sighed, thinking back on his regrets. "In my early years, a man once told me that by trying to bring peace to the land and fill it with benevolence, I will only hurt those closest to me. Perhaps he was right, I've hurt my own daughter and shattered her trust in me. And all the while, I've shattered her image of you as well."

"My image?" I gave an amused smile. "How, so, My Lord?"

"I once spoke, in front of her, that my officers holds greater importance to me than my very own children. I am ashamed to say that I also tossed the infant Liu Shan to the ground as well, traumatizing Xiao Qin. It was when Shan and Xiao Qin arrived safely and you had not yet returned."

"So she grew jealous and bitter towards me and all your other officers?"

"I'm afraid so. And besides that, she fears that I may try to kill Shan. For a very long time, because she feared I'd poison him, Xiao Shan ate nothing but peaches until she began to learn how to cook. Even when he had diarrhea and got so sick of eating peaches that he truly became sick, Xiao Qin even protested against the doctor and accused him of siding with me."

I laughed aloud with My Lord, though his was much quieter, "Poor Xiao Shan. My Lord, it seems that you've truly scared her to her heart."

"I know…" Lord Liu Bei sighed sadly, thinking about the past ten years. "I had not meant to do what I have done, but it all has past already, there is nothing I can do to change it now. Whenever I hold calligraphy lessons with Shan or even battle training, Qin was always there to make sure I didn't kill him. And when he got hurt, she even reprimanded me."

"So I see, Xiao Qin cares much for Xiao Shan." I nodded and sighed.

"Much like her mother."

"Yes, much like her mother." I agreed, but began to question again, "So why is it that you want me to marry Xiao Qin?"

"Are you considering my proposal?"

"N-not at all, My Lord, I couldn't marry her without her will."

"If you wish it, she will." It seemed as though Lord Liu Bei was serious about forcing Xiao Qin to marry me. But when I think about it, it seems that it would be a very difficult marriage. What am I thinking about, marriage?! Why, it all seems so sudden even though I am well over my thirties right now. "I am in need of your help, Zilong, I believe that in order for my Xiao Qin to forgive me, she must first learn to forgive you."

"Forgive me? But what have I done that could have possibly upset her?"

"As a child, she talked in her sleep, and in her sleep, she'd mention your name, asking you why you did not save her mother. I know it is my fault, but I also know that there was nothing more that you could have done. It is my fault, but I think she blames you for my past behavior as well."

"So she's been scarred."

"Very deeply."

I sighed, thinking about it for a moment. "Then, My Lord…" Xiao Qin was still only a child…she's held a grudge against me for a very long time, to be haunted by such memories, who could blame her. "…allow me to assist in healing her heart and mind." Long ago, perhaps during my teenaged days, I've seen Liu Qin when she was born, heard her first word, saw her first steps, know of her many accomplishments. A gifted child, she was, in the arts. The thought of marrying a young girl whom I've known since her birth, it all seemed too outrageous. But I have seen Liu Qin for the woman she is growing up to be, and her talents are unbelievable, but I also do know that she has been hurt and haunted. And though I couldn't do anything about it at the time, I am the cause of her scars. It is only fair that I assist in healing them, to show her my better nature and appeal to hers.

Lord Liu Bei smiled and stood up, "I knew you'd agree! I cannot thank you more enough!"

"Please, My Lord, it is an honor to have Lady Liu Qin as my bride to be."

"Then it is settled, I shall hold the wedding next week!"

I immediately stood up, gaping, not thinking holding an wedding within a week would be a wise decision… "Next week?"

"Time is of the essence, Zilong, you must take the opportunity when it is handed to you."

"You're not asking me to bare children with her, are you?"

Lord Liu Bei paused to that. "Please, Zilong, I do not wish to know what intimacy you and my daughter might have in the future. If anything, knowing Qin, you will not have much luck there, I can sleep with ease."

I laughed hesitantly, bowing to Lord Liu Bei, "Of course, my Lord. Is there anything else?"

"Not at all, Zilong, you've done more than I could ever ask for."

I smiled and bowed to my Lord, "Then I shall be taking my leave." I looked up to him as he nodded before I turned to leave.

"Zilong, I trust that Xiao Qin will be in good hands."

I looked back at him, "Of course, My Lord." I nodded, watching him smile in relief before leaving him alone in the room. I stared down at the eunuch who only gaped in shock at me before I moved pass him, wanting to frown. Word will go out soon, too soon…

Perhaps I've made a mistake…agreeing to marry Lady Liu…

* * *

"_By a window is a lady fair_…" I trailed off, reciting poetry, thinking to myself as I walked around the pond of koi. "…_blinds rolled up with care. Eye brows knitted she sat_…" I tried to think of what I really knew of Liu Qin, but as much as I've seen her grow up, I don't really know her much at all at the same time… I held my chin with my fingers, wincing… "_Sinking in her seat, upset_…" I thought of earlier in the room with Lord Liu Bei, Liu Qin's emotions waving and whip lashing… "_Traces of tears on her cheeks can be seen_…" One could tell that she had been trying not to cry, but she did anyways when she had left. Perhaps…perhaps she does not like to be seen crying… "_There is no idea whom she had grudge in_…" I winced again, "that's not good for Xiao Qin…" Those words were absolutely not the best words to recite to Liu Qin.

(Credit to Li Bai for the poem, this poem is not used for my own personal gain.)

What do women like anyways?

A laugh came from behind me. "Zilong, what poetry are you reciting?"

Immediately, I pushed myself off from the stone I sat on and stood straight in alert. "What poetry, Mengqi?" I took up an innocent smile as the Lord Ma Chao quirked a brow at me.

He crossed his arm and shifted his weight to his left. "You were reciting poetry, just now, alone, by the pond of koi, beneath the peach blossoms." I laughed hesitantly, waving my hands and shaking my head, denying it. "Are you hiding something from me, Zilong?" He quirked his brow again, shifting his weight to his right. "A woman, perhaps?" A smirk began to spread on his face. "I know that you are getting married next week, Zilong, to Lady Liu Qin."

"WHAT?!" I sighed and face palmed, "That damn eunuch couldn't mind his own business…"

Ma Chao only laughed at me. "What's wrong, you should be happy to settle down."

I laughed with him just a little. "Not when it's an arranged marriage to Xiao Qin."

"Ah, but she grew up to become a beautiful woman, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, Seventeen years, I've watched her to become the talented young woman she is today."

"Ah, yes. I've forgotten your 'close' connections with her." Ma Chao seemed amused as he patted my shoulder. "I suppose I can't imagine being wedded to one whom I've watched grow up from a child either. But I should tell you, marriage is a wondrous thing."

"So you've moved on…" I sighed, looking up to the bright sky, peaceful and quiet.

"I would not say moved on, but rather, content." I could feel his firm grip on my shoulder. "I think often of my Lady and my son, but I have Cheng and Feng. Not that I do not love my late wife, but when you have children, life becomes a little more worthwhile. Children will become the glue that holds a man and his woman closer together."

"So you speak of love?"

"Perhaps that is what I speak of."

I laughed, "But Lady Liu does not love me, in fact, perhaps she even detests me. And as for me, I cannot say that I love her when I barely know of her."

"Ah, but you do know of her. After all, she grew up beneath your eyes. You cannot say you don't love her either." I looked to Ma Chao as he sat beside me as he only smiled smugly. "I know you see her as a woman."

"I don't see her as a woman! She's completely different!" I laughed with Ma Chao. "I mean, her demeanor is quite unladylike and unwomanly, yet…feminine at the same time. She has talent in calligraphy and poetry and music and art and I hear that her cooking is to die for from the children of Lord Guan Yu and Lord Zhang Fei and from Lord Liu Shan. When I see her from afar, dancing in the wind, the way that her lips curve into that smile of hers could put every flower around her to shame, her eyes twinkle like the night stars and the way her robes move around her form waves gracefully like the waves of the sea. She fears singing because she is afraid that her voice is unsuitable, and though it terribly is, I know that she enjoys it. When she is calm and alone, she hums softly and harmonize beautifully in her solitude, but when she must perform in front of others, her voice cracks and she becomes sick to the point of vomiting. When I see her by herself or with others, she shines like no other with that aura of hers. She looks happy in the presence of others, but when I am in her presence, I receive her sour and bitter face. She is tough, yet soft, like a hard boiled egg, seemingly hard on the outside but inside soft…and…uhh…" Immediately, I clenched my teeth and made a face, almost accidentally saying a word that would be most inappropriate.

Ma Chao laughed, "Were you about to say 'delicious'?" I shot my face towards his direction and immediately flushed, making him laugh even louder. "Why, Zilong, how innocently crude you are!" He patted my back as I rubbed the red off my cheeks. "Talking about a young woman who is less than half your age in such a way."

"You don't have to make me feel awkward about marrying Lady Liu!"

"Alright, alright, forgive me, Zilong, forgive me, but it was too easy to joke with you." Ma Chao sighed in thought before deciding to share his thoughts aloud. "Speaking of jokes, considering how innocent you are, I assume you've never been with a woman." Frowning, I pushed at him as he laughed at me. "It was a joke, it was a joke. But, anyways, I hear that you do see her as a woman."

"And just who told you that?" I quirked a brow at him.

"You did." He looked at me with a serious smile.

"I did?" My brows furrowed.

"Just earlier when you described her to me." He looked up to the peach blossoms. "You speak of her as though you are actually in love with her."

"Ah, but I'm not." I smiled and looked up as well.

"Then why did you agree to marry her in the first place?"

"Well…" I wasn't actually sure of why. "Because I owe her happiness and a mind of ease."

"What? That doesn't make sense."

"You know the Battle of Changban? Xiao Qin is my Lord's daughter and because of my incapabilities, she grew up without a mother and cut herself away from our Lord emotionally."

"And it is your fault that you couldn't save Lady Gan?"

"I couldn't save the three of them."

"Why, I'd never blame you, after all, two crying children tied to you, I don't mean to be insensitive but an injured woman slowing you down would have put all of you in danger. Why, I'd say Lady Liu's grudge is unreasonable."

I chuckled a little, reaching up to pick a blossom. "Still, it is not just having to leave behind Lady Gan, it is other things as well, which is why I would like to appeal to Xiao Qin's better nature."

"Because you see her as a woman?" Ma Chao nudged at me and quirked his brow suggestively. "What inner objectives are you trying to accomplish? Or is it in her that you're trying to penetrate?"

"SHH!" I pushed my dear, laughing, friend, looking around, "Do you not fear that others would overhear you speaking of Xiao Qin in such a way?!"

"Lord Zhao Yun." Startled, I turned around to the same eunuch earlier and watched him bow, presenting a bundle for me. "Lord Liu Bei has prepared a set of robes for you and requested for you to join him at dinner."

Ma Chao laughed as I began to fume while hiding my expression. I only smiled and accepted the bundle, "Thank you, it would be an honor to dine with my Lord."

We watched as the eunuch bowed and turned away to go on with his business before I turned to glare at Ma Chao. He only laughed and quirked a brow, "I wonder how long Lord Liu Bei has been planning this arrangement."

"Surely not since the Battle of Changban."

* * *

"Father…" It was a quiet meal with only Lord Liu Bei, his wife, and his children. Lady Wu sat to Lord Liu Bei's left, nursing their two year old son beneath a blanket, as Lord Liu Shan sat at his right, quietly eating a meal that completely different to the rest of the tables setting. Xiao Qin sat beside him, quietly eating the same thing he ate, these two siblings' meal was entirely separate, perhaps prepared by Qin for Shan and herself. "…did you purposely place your oh so honored and privileged guest next to me to provoke me?" With her chopsticks, she lashed Liu Shan's hand as he reached for something that was Qin believed was not meant for him to eat, making him drop his chopsticks on the table… Was it as Lord Liu Bei said, that she feared he'd poison Liu Shan?

"Qin, I placed Lord Zhao Yun beside you because he is your husband to be."

If it was possible, the dining hall only became more quiet as Xiao Qin stared down at the table before dropping her porcelain bowl of rice on the table, letting it clatter with noise, disturbing the infant Liu Yong. Lady Wu sighed, knowing not to argue with her step daughter, as she hushed her son to calm and comfort him.

"Lien Hua, if you are finished, please take Yong and leave." Lady Wu stood up and bowed to her husband before leaving quietly. Tension rose in the air and Qin only sat there and stared at the table stoically. Liu Shan only averted his eyes, not being dismissed, and continued eating quietly. "Qin, why do you disrespect me?"

"Must I answer that question?" She didn't even look at him or moved, her eyes only blinked and she stared straight ahead of her at the wall.

I fear that Lord Liu Bei would lose his patience this time. "Who is your father? Answer that question for me at least, or are you my mother?"

She only scoffed in amusement, not daring to look at her father. "Why, I don't wonder who my father is…" She finally turned her head to look at Lord Liu Bei as I only sat here quietly. "…because instead, I wonder where he is." She turned her head again to look back at the wall quietly. "I will not marry this general. I will find a husband on my own, even if I have to elope. Why would the husband of my choosing need your approval? You are not even my father, my kind father who loved me and cherished me would have never left behind my mother, my brother, and myself. Nor would he give me away to and OLD man and seal my fate with him."

"If it was not for Lord Zhao Yun, you and Shan would even be alive right now!"

"And that is what you hope for, is it not!?" She shot her father a glare and it became a stare down as Shan continued to eat, minding his own business. For someone like me, I couldn't remain uninvolved, yet I tried, so I only sat quietly and listened. "So even he ruined your life, bringing back a daughter like me to argue and fight with you every time we meet."

"Why do you put words in my mouth. I am giving you away to one of my greatest generals because you owe your life to him!"

"I OWE HIM NOTHING!" Qin stood up and sweeped her arm across the table, pushing most of the plates and food onto the ground, the porcelain glass breaking on impact with the wooden floor boards. I watched as Lord Liu Bei stood up and reached over to slap Qin as she only slowly turned her head to stare back at him, glaring. Shan only looked up at his sister before staring down and quietly, but noisily finished the rice in his bowl. I looked up at Qin, hesitating to speak or even reach up to her, but I didn't. Her eyes twitched and like earlier this day, though it was only slightly noticeable, her eyes began to gloss before she turned and pushed her way through to run away.

Only then did I actually stood up, pushing away my chair to follow after her. "Zilong! You need not follow after that troublesome child. Had I not pushed her onto you would this happen."

"I only smiled to Lord Liu Bei and bowed to him. "Forgive me, my Lord, but as her husband to be, it is in my duty to look after Lady Liu, is it not?"

He only smiled to me, perhaps assured by my words. "I trust that she is in good hands." And with that, I bowed to dismiss myself, before chasing after Qin. Perhaps, as the man, I should put a bit of effort to appeal to Qin, after all, I should take blame to all her hurts and haunts.

* * *

I ran throughout the palace and found her standing in the water garden, beneath the pagodas on the boarded bridges. She stared down and squatted before standing up and kicking the fencing out of anger only to bite her bottom lip in pain. One could tell she was frustrated, after all, she was a highly expressive woman. As she reached to her hair atop of her head, I called out to her.

"Xiao Qin." Startled, she stood up and looked back at me before attempting to run off, only, I had already come close to her, close enough to grab her hand, accidentally making her yank back into my chest.

She pushed herself off, but kept her face down. "Let go of me! Let go!" I only leaned in, startling her a bit as she stared at me with furrowed eyes. Her eyes were red and her skin became a bit swollen from her salty tears.

"You were crying." I frowned a little as she turned away.

She huffed as she jerked her arm out of my grasp and crossed her arms. "No I wasn't! What do you want?!"

She was a loud young lady, straight forward to the point. "To calm and comfort you?" Did that come out wrong?

She scoffed in amusement. "Ridiculous."

"What is ridiculous?" I looked at the water garden and watched the koi swim around. "That I am attempting to keep you company?"

"Precisely, that like a dog, you are following the orders of a so called benevolent and emotional man."

"Isn't that what your father is?"

"NO!" She turned and glared at me. "That man in the dining room, he isn't. But of course from your point of view, he must be so generous to give away his now only daughter to someone like you. A man of emotion, not once has he ever considered me since they day he decided to abandon my family."

"That is not true." As I reached me hand out to her, she immediately slapped it away as if she knew I was going to do that. "Your father thinks much of you and he knows you are troubled."

"Yes, I am a troubled child."

"And he wishes to ease your trouble, Xiao Qin." I squatted down and splashed a bit at the water, letting her watch me as I bent down to her knees. "And I would like to as well."

"By marrying me? Following his selfish orders, he has not even considered you thoughtfully either."

"That is not true, he thought a great deal of me, how I am this old yet unmarried."

"But you do not want to marry me."

"What makes you so sure of that?" I sighed and smiled, this is actually my first real conversation with Qin.

"Because I do not want to marry you."

"Well, maybe after we wed, things might change."

She laughed at my words, "I may be just a woman but, rather than seeing me as a girl, please see me as another human being. I do not even love you. In fact, I hate you. I hate you to the point that I will do anything to get rid of you, only that I know I can't because of my physical disadvantages. I hate you so much, I wished you had never come back from Changban." To be hated that much by Liu Qin…it was something only she can let me experience. I only stared at her before standing up and stared down at the young girl. "So, what are you going to say, do you still want to marry me when I hate you so much? Because, believe me, I will do anything in my power to make your life miserable." I reached my hand at her as she only furrowed her brows at it in question. Softly, I moved away some of her long and smooth hair off of her shoulder and laid my hand there before gently grasping her neck. "What are you doing?" Perhaps she was just acting tough, while like a hard boiled egg, she was really just soft on the inside… I leaned in towards her as she tried to keep a distance between us with her arms, questioning me. "What are you doing!?" Softly, I place my lips on hers and held her cheeks to keep her from escaping my kiss. And like the soft inside of a hard boiled egg, I must say her lips were delicious…

Is this what it feels like to be with a woman? A sharp stinging pain slapped onto my face as I pulled away from Lady Liu Qin as I held my face, staring down at her red face, her glossing eyes that began to well up and leak with tears. Her trembling fingers slowly reached to her swollen lip that I accidentally bit. Her eyes looked behind me and I turned to see Guan Ping, only staring with wide eyes before looking back to Liu Qin who choked on her sob and began to jerk her head before hurling at me and the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 3

Duty Above All Else

* * *

"Poor Lady Liu, I've heard she's been sick in bed for almost a week now. Her wedding's been postponed."

"I don't know who I feel more sorry for, Lady Liu Qin or Lord Liu Shan. Because she cannot leave her bed, she's locked Lord Liu Shan in with her and feeds him nothing but peaches."

"This isn't the first time she's done this, is it?"

"Of course not, if she cannot muster up the strength to cook for and take care of Lord Liu Shan herself, then no one will. She won't allow it!"

"I heard that she became ill this time because she was kissed by a man. The poor child threw up beneath the pagoda at the water garden."

"What man could have possibly disgusted Lady Liu so? Unless, of course, her illness was out of loyalty to her husband to be?"

"Not at all! But I am baffled by a thought, to think it could be Lord Zhao Yun himself as her husband to be who may have been the one to kiss her, why, that would be tragic."

"Who could ever become sick from being courted by a man like him, why I'd be swooned to my knees if he swept me away on that glorious white steed of his."

I watched from my window as servant girls gossiped about me as they walked past a hallway that Lord Zhao Yun just happened to show up from. He looked over to them and sighed before shaking his head. My eyes slightly widened when he looked up and saw me from my window; a kind smile was shown to me, quite boyish and innocent. Yes…the years have treated him well for a forty-year-old general, but that did not mean that I was 'swooned' by his charming good looks and valiant way of speaking. Why, even just seeing him, I couldn't help but feel repulsed as I glared at him and shut the boards of my window, hopefully loud enough for him to hear.

"Qin Jie Jie, why is it that you hate Lord Zhao Yun so much?"

A'dou sat at the table, practicing calligraphy with me. I paced about my room, annoyed. Or at least, I seemed annoyed. Why, even Ping has yet to kiss me! And knowing that Ping was there when it happened stabbed at my heart so much, yet the only way I can express myself was through anger. Yes! I was angry too, I am angry and frustrated and annoyed and bothered and irritated and all that stuff! Why, that Zhao Yun has done more than far enough for me to hate him now. Why did he even have to accept my father's proposal? Why couldn't he have politely decline like he always does? Then again, it was Father's fault too. Because of Zhao Yun, Father disapproved of Uncle Yu's marriage proposal for Ping and I. I am so mad I can just!

"Qin Jie Jie?"

"What?!"

I glared at Shan as he only jerked back with wide eyes. I sighed and ran my fingers though my long tresses of hair before sitting down beside him. He only stared at me, waiting to see if I was really calm yet, and when he figured I was probably alright, he quietly repeated his question again.

"Qin Jie Jie, why is it that you hate Lord Zhao Yun so much?"

"Because!" I had to think of a reason…a reason that hopefully would put an end to Shan's question. "Because he got you in trouble with Father!"

"Oh? Are you still talking about Changban or what happened after Changban?" He only quietly continued writing with his brush.

"Both! It's all his fault Father doesn't really care about us and Mother's gone!"

"Well…" I watched as he dipped his brush in the tray of ink, watching the brush darken as it filled up. "I don't think I can really blame him, after all, I'm living a life with Qin Jie Jie."

He smiled at me, perhaps trying to cheer me up a little. I only smiled a little at him, but frowned quickly after. "But he left behind our mother and that's unforgivable. It's a shame that you won't ever get to know what a wonderful mother we had. It's all his fault!"

"Well, would it be a problem for me to say I don't or can't really care about our mother? I never got to know or see her, but I like living with Qin Jie Jie, and I think that's all that matters right now." He only smiled and continued writing on his piece of paper, careful strokes of the characters.

I only stared at him before frowning, not out of annoyance or anger, but of sadness. "A'dou, you fool! Of course it's bad if you say something like that!" I wiped away the tears that welled up in my eyes.

"But you're happy." He only laughed at me as he pushed the paper at me and set his brush down on the tray. "Because even if I don't really know what a mother is, Qin Jie Jie is like a mother to me."

"A'dou…" I looked down at his calligraphy, the character for happiness was written on the parchment paper. "You idiot…!" He only smiled gently at me, always free of troubles.

I stared at my little brother before patting his shoulder softly. Perhaps the servants were right, that even though I was not seriously ill, I had locked up my precious little brother with me and fed him nothing but peaches. I felt bad, but at all cost, I didn't want to risk the chance of someone poisoning him. Perhaps I should put a little more faith in his judgment.

"Of course, I think that Qin Jie Jie _should_ marry Lord Zhao Yun too."

…

Have I thought too soon?

"I like Lord Zhao Yun." He only smiled at me as he propped his head on the palm of his hand, leaning on the table. "Not only is he as valiant as everyone says, he's saved my life twice and yours at least once. I'd say he's more deserving of my beautiful Qin Jie Jie than anyone in all of Shu. I think Father wants to hand you to him, not only out of gratitude, but because he knows that you'll be taken care of."

I only stared at Shan with an annoyed expression. He finally noticed and grinned hesitantly with wide eyes.

"Qin Jie Jie?"

"YOU IDIOT!"

* * *

"Xing, where is your brother?"

I walked quickly through the halls, finding Guan Xing walking around with Zhang Bao, Xing Cai's and Zhang Li's older brother. They only stopped to look at me before greeting me. Yes, I had finally decided to leave my room.

"I don't know, probably playing Go with our father? Or training?"

"Yeah, or that. He's been kind of quiet lately, Qin, did you do something to him?"

I only frowned at Zhang Bao, "Of course I didn't do anything, I've been locked up in my room for a week!"

"Well, that's true… Ah! Which reminds me, Uncle Yu and my father said that Uncle Bei was pretty happy about something. I think it involves you. You should go see him."

I frowned at Zhang Bao before looking away and huffing.

"I'm just saying, he is your father after all. If he really wanted to get rid of you, he probably would have done it a long time ago, am I right?"

"Qin, when are you going to let it go?"

"Well, it's not like your fathers…" I couldn't think of the words to say to them.

"Put others before us?"

"Now isn't that a leader's job? To take care of the people before his own personal needs?"

"Besides, we're strong men!" Zhang Bao and Guan Xing flexed their arms, showing off their biceps. "We don't need our fathers looking after us all the time like you."

I wanted to laugh a little, but that last part completely ruined it for me as I frowned at Zhang Bao, "Now what's that supposed to mean?"

Xing laughed and leaned against Bao, "Nothing, nothing."

"But just saying, lately Uncle Bei's been trying to find someone to take care of you in case something happens to him. Doesn't that mean he's putting your needs in front of his own for once?"

"Yeah, you wouldn't be saying that if you were put into an arranged marriage with someone you hate." I held my head up high and closed my eyes, not caring to listen to what they had to say next, in which they took the hint.

"Well, we best be on our way then."

"Have a good day, Qin."

I turned to watch them as they walked away, frowning at them. They weren't very far so I was able to hear their little mumbles to each other, making me frown even more. "I don't get why Qin doesn't like Lord Zhao Yun."

"I guess I can understand the arranged marriage part, but I don't see how anyone can hate Lord Zhao Yun."

"I don't know, Qin's a little irrational, if you ask me."

"Well," I shouted at their backs, "nobody asked you!"

"Whelp, let's go!"

I fumed as Zhang Bao and Guan Xing ran off. I frowned at them, crossing my arms.

* * *

"Ah, it should be this day, it is the most auspicious!" My eyes narrowed, hearing my father's voice as I peaked into his meeting room. "Zilong, I appreciate the trouble you've gone through in finding a matchmaker and a bride price. Because I know you don't have much family nearby, all this was unnecessary. But I am glad that the birth dates are perfectly matched! That is the most important of all."

"Yes, thank you, My Lord." Zhao Yun sat on his knees in front of my father. I frowned at them... He couldn't have seriously gone through the traditional troubles… "I figured that since Xiao Qin's hasn't been feeling well, I'd best spend my time with the traditional arrangements to formally ask your permission to marry your daughter."

"Ah! But Zilong, when I have already given you the permission, you need no formal ask. Even so, I am happy that you've gone through all this trouble to ensure a good marriage to my Qin." Father laughed happily in his seat, unable to stop glancing at the betrothal letter every now and then. "Why, now that we have chosen a more auspicious day, it unfortunately means that we must wait a little longer to get the both of you married."

"That is alright, My Lord, I am willing to wait for Xiao Qin."

"If you two had already been married today, I could say that if I were to die tomorrow, I'd die a happy man, knowing my daughter is in good hands."

Zhao Yun laughed, "You need not exaggerate, My Lord, it is only an honor and privilege to be given Xiao Qin."

I frowned at him and looked around until I picked up a pebble off the ground. I stared back into the room and held up the pebble, ready to throw it at my Father.

"Ah, I fear that if Xiao Qin were to walk in on us at this moment, she'd ruin my good mood." I paused… He called me 'Xiao Qin'… My hand slowly dropped down to my side. "That child of mine is always trying to pick fights with me. If only she were like other good and obedient daughters. Like Xing Cai for example."

"But you must consider that even though she is a woman, Xiao Qin is still an individual human being. It may be nice if she were like Lady Xing Cai, but the outcome of this marriage proposal would have never exist." I stared at Zhao Yun's back. "Even though I know she does not like me, someday I'll appeal to her better nature. I will fully accept all of Xiao Qin."

My Father chuckled and nodded, most likely approving of Zhao Yun's words before his eyes traveled in my direction. He beamed at me happily, in a way I've never seen before. "Ah, Qin!" he called out to me. Zhao Yun turned to look at me as I immediately frowned, tossing the pebble in, completely missing Zhao Yun, and ran off.

* * *

"…planning my marriage behind my back…" I mumbled to myself as I walked around the estate, fuming to myself, being irritated. "Why I out to act up during the actual ceremony and embarrass those two!" I frowned with furrowed eyes, trying to stay as irritated and annoyed as possible…or was I forcing myself to do that? "AARGGH!" My heart itched inside. I hate that feeling. Who was I irritated at? Me? Or everyone else? Why? Why, why, why?!

While stomping on the wooden boards, on my way back to my room to think quietly, I just happened to ran into someone, having hammered my head into their chest plated armor. I winced and looked up at whoever it was through squinted eyes. "Oh, Qin? Are you alright?" He quirked a brow down at me before tilting a from side to side to inspect me.

"Where were you, I've been looking for you!" I frowned, rubbing my head as he held onto my shoulder to keep my balance. I glared up at him, irritated as he only averted his eyes, he always did that when I was angry and irritated and stared at him in the eyes.

He only grinned a little, "Well, I've been a little busy." He shrugged, "I mean, I am joining my father in battle now, right?"

"Well, forget about training and think about us!" I stared at him with my irritated eyes but watched his eyes stare down awkwardly. "What? Is there a problem?"

"Uhh…" He looked as though he was trying to put the words together correctly or trying to choose his words wisely before turning his eyes the other way. "You're engaged to another man, so isn't it awkward for you to ask me to think about us?"

I glared at him, what could he possibly be thinking? Doesn't he know? "I told you already, the only person I want to be with is you!"

"Hey, you're kind of loud."

Not once has he looked to me, eye to eye, in this conversation. "So you've never thought about me at all? You're just going to let me get married to some other guy right before you eyes. I guess when he put his disgusting lips on me, you weren't affected at all."

"It's not that!"

"Then what is it?! Am I the only one worried about us? Because no matter what in the world, the only person I would ever want is you and here you are, letting someone else marry me!"

"But I do want you! You don't understand!"

"Then why don't you do something about it then?!"

"Because I don't have Uncle Bei's permission!"

"Then stop being a gentleman and just take me then!" I grabbed onto the collar of his armor and pulled him down to my level, making him stare into my eyes. My fingers began to twitch before they either tightened into a first, or gripped even more on Ping. My teeth clenched, my eyes twitched. There was no way I was going to cry right now. "Look me in the eye when I talk to you…I can't say this enough…" My lips began to tremble. "…that you are the only one I would every accept so just kiss me and take me and elope with me and it will just be you and me together until the very end!" Quietly and softly, I began to sniff a little as my brows furrowed; I didn't want to cry.

My breath quivered as I leaned closer to Guan Ping's face, my other hand slowly reaching up to touch his face as our noses touched. I swallowed my saliva and moistened my lips, shortening the distance between us. "Stop…" My eyes widened as I paused in place. "How can you ask me such a thing… I am a man with virtue too, and you need to respect that. As much as I want to be with you to, I cannot and will not leave my father and my brothers and my sisters. Because I respect my father and my duty before all else is my devotion to him. And not only that, I respect Uncle Bei and his decisions as well, and I respect Lord Zhao Yun. If it is Lord Zhao Yun, I am more than happy to let you go to him out of my deepest respect and admiration for him. Uncle Bei is right, out of all of Shu, you are a prize that no other is more worthy of that Lord Zhao Yun. He's save your life before, he's fought on behalf of your father and your land so that you can live your comfortable life. Out of your duty to your father and your people and out of obligation to his efforts and achievements, don't you feel that you owe your life to him?"

I couldn't look up at him; I couldn't stare into his eyes… The tears were already beginning to fill my eyes. "Ping…" It felt like my heart was being pricked by thousands of needles. He was more than willing to turn his face and let me go to someone else other than him. And not only that, just like everyone else has been saying, just like everyone else thinks, right when I'm telling him that there's no one else but him, he's telling me I owe this 'Lord Zhao Yun' something… I hate that, I hate it! Why? Why, why, why! My teeth clenched as tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't understand…

I thought he loved me…

"So basically you don't want me…" Slowly I looked up at him, watching him stare down at me. "You played with my heart…"

"Qin!?" His brows furrowed. "No, that's not—"

"I thought you loved me!" I slapped him before pulling out the knife from his side.

"Qin! What are you doing!?" He reached for his knife but trying to stab my heart, I cut my hand instead when he tried to pull it away from me, and dropped the knife, screaming in pain as the blood dripped from my fingers to the wooden boards. "Qin!" Ping grabbed my hand to inspect it but I only pulled it out and slapped him again with it, only to cry out more from the pain.

Distant chatters began to approach with rushing footsteps. "Lady Liu!" Servant girls and eunuchs ran to my side, surrounding me and my wounded hand, asking me either what was wrong or what had happened.

"What's going on?" We all stared to my father who was followed by Zhao Yun. I bit my lip and looked away. "Qin, are you alright?" Father walked up to my as the servants made way for him. He stared down to see blood at my feet before reaching for my hand, only for me to turn away from, him, not allowing him to see. "Qin, this is no time to be stubborn and childish!" He roughly grabbed my arm and yanked my arm out to allow him to see the long wound on my palm.

"No!" I winced, trying to pull my arm away from him only to be slapped by him.

"Qin, don't you know that this is serious!? We have to bandage this right away!? How did this happen? Who did this to you?!"

"What is going on?" We all turned to see Ping's father. I only glared at the ground before looking away.

"…Ping Ge Ge has wounded me…" He personally stabbed me in the heart with his stupid words…

"Ping, is this true?"

I stared over to him as he only solemnly looked back at me before looking to his father. "Yes, it's true, Father." I only watched as his angered father slapped him and pushed him onto his knees.

"Apologize to your sister."

"Yes, Father…" Sighing, Ping looked up at me sadly before bowing down with his hands on the ground. "Xiao Qin…please for five my stupidity and carelessness…"

I only stared down at him before looking away. "I wish to leave this place…" My father quietly watched with Zhao Yun and his sworn brothers as a group of ladies in waiting led me away while others at the scene began mumbling to themselves.

* * *

Soft grunts but loud whippings echoed through the halls of this household as I sat at a stone table, with my legs crossed, embroidering a golden lotus. It was a bright and sunny day. When I looked out the window, though my father had already told him not to, Uncle Yu had Ping sitting on his knees in the sun, whipping him repetitively. I sat here purposely to watch Ping's punishment, but I knew to keep a distance.

My hand felt a little better, it still hurts, but I hate having nothing to do but sit around. "Qin Jie Jie, are you sure Ping Ge Ge did this to you? He's always so careful around you though."

I sighed, putting my sewing things down and stretched my fingers before deciding to let my hand rest. "Adou, sometimes you can only be so careful."

"Maybe if you forgive Brother Ping, Uncle Yu will stop whipping him."

I stared at Shan and rolled my eyes, "Just continue reading and studying."

"I'm just saying, Qin Jie Jie. We all know that if Brother Ping has to take the blame for anything, Uncle Yu's not going to hold back on punishing him. I think Qin Jie Jie's being unreasonable and only Brother Ping and I know how to just deal with it."

"Adou!" I frowned at him, how dare he!

"And I also know that not only because you lack physical strength, I can get away with saying these things because you're afraid to hurt me." I glared at Shan as he only grinned at me before picking up his books and running away.

I stood up and glared, shouting at him before tossing my embroidering circle down on the table. I frowned, watching him wave to me from afar with that silly but childish smile on his face before disappearing through another hall. I frowned and turned around, watching Uncle Yu continuing his lashings on Ping before sighing and rolling my eyes, leaving my things behind as I slowly walked down the hall, through the open air. Ping's back was turned towards me.

I stopped at a pillar and stood there, watching for a few more minutes until Uncle Yu stopped. "Xiao Qin, is there something you need?" He whipped down one more lash at Ping, this time he didn't grunt. He didn't even let out one sound. Was it because he was now aware of my presence? My uncle let down his whip and turned his head to stare at me, waiting for my answer.

I took a deep breath, staring at him before at Ping's back, red and cut and bleeding. It hurts to see him like this, but not as much as it pained to hear those frustrating words from him. "I think…" I'm still not forgiving him… "…I think that that's enough, it was only a small cut, there's nothing to worry about."

"I fear that he may have hurt you out of jealousy."

"Jealously?"

"Yes, jealousy," Uncle Yu stared at me seriously before wrapping up the whip.

I scoffed in amusement, "Brother Ping is not jealous man." He must have been talking about Ping's marriage proposal, I only pretended not to know. It never happened, nothing between us has every happened.

"Well then, Xiao Qin, be wary around Ping, after all, though still a boy, he is still a man."

I laughed, though Uncle didn't find it funny, "I'm sure he knows how to be a gentleman, he would never hurt a woman. What happened yesterday was only an accident."

"Then, Xiao Qin, I trust in your judgement." He only frowned a little as he approached me, patting my head before walking away, leaving. I only stared at him as he left and pretty soon disappeared. I yawned as I paced about behind Ping.

"Have you come to see me in pain? Are you satisfied?"

He was still on his knees, sitting on the ground with his face down. I glared at him and frowned, it was like those words had stabbed me in the heart, but no matter! I'm a stubborn girl. "Yes, but I am not satisfied."

He only gave a relaxed sigh, as though the whip lashings didn't hurt him one bit. "Then when will you be satisfied?"

I frowned at him, stopping in my tracks and turning to stare down at his back, blood trickling slowly to the dirt beneath him. "I don't know…but why didn't you tell Uncle Yu that it was an accident?"

"You still care about me?" I gritted my teeth in annoyance. I don't like it when people don't answer my questions.

"Of course not!" I glowered down at him. I didn't want to ask, it would only hurt my heart further, but… "Do you?" …I set myself up for hurt…

It was quiet, as if he wasn't dark enough, perhaps the sunlight was tanning him further. "Yeah, I still do, just because I don't want to marry you doesn't mean I don't want you." He's a liar! "We grew up together, we know everything about each other, I've watched you dance, heard you sing, saw your underwear, accidentally watched you bathe…" I frowned and flushed to that, wanting to stomp on his back. "…and though you're incredibly skinny and have a small chest, name one other girl I might possibly want?"

"Then why don't you want to marry me?!" He just makes me so…dasklfjawl;ef…frustrated!

"Because." His shoulders shrugged before they flexed and stretched. "Uncle Bei didn't give me permission and I respect Lord Zhao Yun."

Respect, respect…god, I don't get it. "Don't you ever think about yourself for a change?!"

"Well, Qin, don't you ever think about others for a change?"

Even though he kind of turned his head…I didn't really see his face…but I had only wished he saw mine. Or, I only half wished. Perhaps that was his point, to make me frustrated, to get on my nerves, but I wanted to show him how angry I was. And though his open back was available for me to kick and punch, I knew that my lack of physical strength would be only like a massage to him…not like it never happened before, but seriously though…

"Fine!" If he was going to push me that far from him, then fine! "I'll think about others for a change and hopefully you'll start thinking about yourself too, how you'll never be able to have me ever again! I want you to watch me get married to some other old man and I hope that you'll be miserable and I hope that you'll regret not fighting for me and I hope that you'll be hurt and I hope that you'll be angry when I have children with him!" He only started laughing at me. "What?! What's so funny?"

"You, have children, you're so innocent, you don't even know how to make a child."

"Yeah! Well, watch me! Maybe someday I'll 'love' that horrific, disgusting, old man, enough someday and then we'll have a child!"

"That's not even how you make a child! Your father is so…ahh…though his daughter is such a stubborn woman, he's raised her to be so innocent…"

"What? What are you talking about?!"

"Nothing, nothing. I hope that you and Lord Zhao Yun will have a happy life together."

"Yeah, you hope."

"Qin…" I stood there and waited for him to finish what he had to say. It seemed as though he was hesitating, but he finally spat it out. "… …I still…care about you."

I scoffed at him. "If you really did, you wouldn't let me marry someone else."

Tears began to well up in my eyes as I frowned down at him, trying not to let them out. "Yeah…you're right."

…why do I have to say such stupid words…?


	4. Chapter 4

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 4

Unity

* * *

On an auspicious day, chosen by Lord Liu Bei, I made my journey with Ma Chao and a distant cousin of mine who had came to help me take my new wife to be home. Young Lord Liu Shan came with us too, having had slept in Qin's bridal bed. It was said that an unmarried young boy that sleeps in a bridal bed the night before the wedding would bring fertility to the newlyweds. Even so, I actually never thought about having children with Qin… We had just finished the capping ritual. My family from Changshan just for my wedding, even my mother came along and endured the trip. Because my father was no longer alive, an uncle of mine placed the decorated hat on me. We carried gifts and a bridal sedan with us and made music on our way to My Lord's domain.

Fireworks cracked and popped, making quite a bit of noise, announcing our arrival as the servant girls eager lead me to Xiao Qin's room where she was supposedly preparing for the journey to the new estate that Lord Liu Bei had bought for me near his own so that I could live comfortably with Qin. Though it was unnecessary, he told me to consider it a wedding gift to Qin and me. I had only agreed for the sake of Qin, hoping that with that much space, she could live comfortably with me, even if a large estate for only the two us was needless. Why, we could get by comfortably in a small household, couldn't we have?

I suppose a man's house is a man's wealth, but it was not I who bought the estate on my own.

Yinping, Zhang Li, Xing Cai and Sanniang were the ones playing the door game with me.

"Ah, Lord Zhao Yun, can you tell me, what is Qin Jie Jie's favorite flower?"

"Lord Zhao Yun, if you cannot guess it, then you can't take our Qin Jie Jie away from us!"

"Ah, is it…" I thought about it. The peach blossom? Could it be? But that's too easy of a guess. I thought a little more and most of the time, when I do see Qin, her hair is decorated with peach blossoms. "The peach blossom?" I smiled down at the girls.

"Nope!" I froze in shock as Sanniang and Yinping laughed at me. "Okay, bye!" Sanniang began to close the door but I stuck my foot in quickly, wincing in pain as she shut it on my foot. "Ahh! Lord Zhao Yun!"

"Sanniang, don't play a dirty trick on him!"

"Yeah, he answered correctly."

"Ah, fine! Okay, Lord Zhao Yun," Sanniang didn't even apologize, "What is Qin Jie Jie's favorite color?"

"Yellow!" I was sure about that one! She rarely wore any other color. I didn't even have to ask for help.

"Wrong! Now go away!"

"Sanniang!"

I laughed half-heartedly. They didn't have to go this far to try and push me away with my lack of knowledge of Qin. Or was I just anxious to get married to Qin?

"Okay, okay, you got it right, but one more question!" I sighed and nodded. "What is Qin Jie Jie's favorite food?"

… I actually didn't know that one. It…it's a hard guess. I looked over to my group behind me as they all made their guesses. Even Shan didn't know. "Money?"

"Wah! I'm shocked!" Sanniang looked around with wide eyes and looked to the back, Qin was sitting back there. "Lord Zhao Yun thinks that Qin Jie Jie eat money, I am insulted. I feel insulted for her!" I pulled out a red envelope and flashed it at Sanniang. She only stared at it for a little bit before she took the envelope and opened it up. I have envelopes to the other three girls as well, watching them open it up. Sanniang scoffed, "You think this little money can buy our lovely Qin Jie Jie? Qin Jie Jie should feel insulted for being worth only this…" She waved the envelope around, "…much to me according to Lord Zhao Yun.

This was obviously her first door game, taking it further than usual.

"Sanniang, just stop. That's enough."

"But! But!"

"We don't want to miss Qin Jie Jie's auspicious time for departure."

As Yinping pulled Sanniang away, Zhang Li and Xing Cai had opened the door to me only to reveal a long white fabric, covering the rest of the room. The girls went to the back, behind the fabric and I sighed, hearing my group laugh behind me. These girls sure did want to delay the wedding.

"Lord Zhao Yun! We're all going to put our hands through the fabric and you have to guess which hand is Qin Jie Jie's!" Hand's popped out through the holes in the fabric one at a time. "Ready, go!"

I sighed and walked along the fabric, looking at each hand. They were all equally the same hand, but you could tell which hands belonged to servant girls and which hands did not. I grabbed their hands, and at some point, when I touched one, Sanniang burst into laughter, which gave her away. I grasped the next one and I was immediately slapped. But before the hand can retreat into the hole, I had already grabbed her wrist and pulled it towards me. "This is Xiao Qin." I looked down at her as the fabric fell and revealed her before me while the girls clapped and applaud.

Xiao Qin turned to look at me and frowned. Was it the lighting or her make up that made her eyes look red, or had she been crying? Either way, she looked breathtaking, a bride she appeared to be, dressed in red. Her hair was up in those complicated hairstyles that girls liked doing and was decorated with flowers, perhaps freshly picked from this morning, done by her good luck woman.

"Yay! And now!" Yinping and Sanniang came over with a necklace of cherries and a blindfold as the men behind me roared in amusement.

"What is that?" Though serious, Qin asked that quietly, furrowing her brows at it.

"It's a necklace of cherries!" Yinping began to tie the necklace of cherries around Qin's neck.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Blindfolding you!" Sanniang tied a blindfold on my eyes.

"Lord Zhao Yun and Qin Jie Jie are going to be lovey dovey while Lord Zhao Yun eats the cherries off of Qin Jie Jie~!"

I couldn't see the shock or irritation on her face, but I could feel her extreme uneasiness to this.

Though a stubborn girl she is, she was innocent as well.

We actually didn't do it. As soon as I held onto her shoulder and leaned down to her chest, as soon as my nose ran along her collar, looking for the cherries, she had already freaked out and wouldn't let me anywhere near her. Her reason was because everyone was watching and she felt it was indecent.

Innocent, she was.

* * *

I fanned myself outside, resisting the urge to take the hat off. It was a bright and sunny day this day. There was a breeze as well. I couldn't tell what made me warm though. Perhaps it was the hat, or was it the robe? Or was it because the large bow looked ridiculous on my torso. I looked like a gift, ready to be unwrapped.

My side of the family had their small chatter amongst themselves as I waited until I heard the made noises of their awe and excitement. I turned around to see a bridal palanquin turn the corner from the peach garden as the strong young men made their way with it on their shoulders.

Inside should be my bride.

It was a bit of a journey to our new estate, it wasn't very far. In fact, it was actually right next door. Well, not exactly next door, it was about a fifteen to thirty minute walk on foot. But we lived so close by; I had to wonder what could have gone on in the mind of Lord Liu Bei's.

As soon as we arrived to the front entrance, there was a pit of fire there. I was handed a bow and an arrow from Ma Chao and aimed at the palanquin as Guan Ping, Guan Xing, and Zhang Bao. Xing and Bao had been carrying the back and Ping carried the front by his own self. Xiao Shan and Xiao Suo were too young and not strong enough to help carry the palanquin. With all the layers of fabric on Qin, plus her headdress, plus the palanquin, Shan and Suo wouldn't have been able to help much either way.

The lively music continued to echo in my ear while I aimed at the palanquin, closing one eye and squinting the other. I felt so nervous. Usually, I would be confident, wouldn't I? But because I know that Qin's in there, I grew hesitant…

_I let go of the quiver as the arrow flew towards the palanquin through the flap that covered Qin. A small gasp echoed in the area as everyone's noise died down before everyone rushed over to the palanquin._

"_Xiao Qin!" Our witnesses began to call her name. Everything was quiet and then blood began to pool out from the entrance of her palanquin._

Shit! Did I just shoot her by accident? Everyone began to panic and my heartbeat echoed in my ear.

I stood there, aiming at the palanquin. Music and singing streamed into my ears as I shot the arrow at the palanquin and watched as it stabbed into the frame. I sighed in relief, having not shot at the red fabric and potentially killing Xiao Qin like I had imagined.

Ma Chao smiled to me suggestively as he handed me a small rod as I went over and used it to open the flap as we called for Qin to step out.

A bride came out from the palanquin, covered from head to two. With that solid veil on her, I began to wonder if it was really Qin. You'd never know, knowing Qin. Everything seemed fine so far; it was going smoothly, was I just imagining this?

She was holding onto a red streamer with a bow in the center. I grabbed onto the other end to lead her out of the palanquin.

Slowly, because I did not want to rush her, I lead her over to the bowl of burning brimstone. There was a small flame.

"Ah! Qin! Qin~! Don't step on the fire!"

"Qin Jie Jie, you're going to step in the fire, your feet's going in!"

"Don't listen to them, Qin Jie Jie! Zhang Bao Ge Ge and Guan Suo are just being stupid!"

"Hey! This is a wedding, watch your language, Xiao Sanniang!"

"Don't play silly ticks on Qin Jie Jie, it's her wedding day!"

I only laughed as Qin found it hard to trust their words; her foot hung in the air, unsure of how far the other side could be. Perhaps she could feel the heat on her leg. She had small dainty feet, in all honesty, they were actually very pretty feet.

"Here, let me help you." To be honest, it wasn't even a very big pit of fire, but perhaps she was afraid to burn her feet. I pulled the streamer, leading her closer, even if she seemed hesitant, but sighed and picked her up, hearing her let out a girly yelp, sweeping her feet over the fire pit and setting her down on the other side. It should be alright, if she was afraid, I'll be hear to make sure everything's okay. It may not be in my duty as a man, but I feel that as a husband, it should be in my duty to take care of my wife.

"Waah! How handsome! Qin Jie Jie is so lucky!"

After Yinping's comment, the rest of our witnesses praised and applauded me as I lead Qin in across the threshold, leading her feet to kick the two apples before out guest followed us into our new home to continue the rituals and celebrate.

I used the rod to remove the solid veil that covered her face and revealed her jeweled headdress. She only kept her eyes down and didn't dare to look up at me. I smiled down at her. Even though this marriage was out of romance, any man would be proud of himself to marry a beautiful girl like Qin, wouldn't they?

As we kneeled to the heaven and earth, to our ancestors, to our parents and to each other, I was surprised that she was even willingly participating in the rituals. She made no fuss, nor was she being difficult. When we drank our wine, tied together by a red ribbon, she almost coughed it up. It was her first time. Our arms were crossed and she made no fuss about coming into physical contact with me.

Because if was the formal wedding vow, our witnesses cheered and the older ladies brought over dumplings for Qin. She picked one up and bit on it, chewing it up before jerking a little, resisting the urge to vomit.

"It's raw…" She stared in disbelief to the older woman.

The older women only laughed at her. "That's the point, my Dear. Just swallow, don't think about it."

I only cringed a little, watching Qin force herself to eat all the dumplings, remembering how she threw up on me the other day, especially right after her first taste of wine. The dumplings were boiled half raw, and that was the purpose for a bride on her wedding day.

As the rituals came to an end, the sun began to set as well. Lanterns were lit in the estate, lighting up the garden area where we'd feast. The servants brought out fish, roast pork, pigeon, chicken, lobster, and desert buns. Wine and tea was also brought out.

It was a rather joyful night. Everyone had smiles on their face, all but Qin. Though it's a little disappointing that she would not smile to our marriage, I couldn't blame her. I am not the one that she wants.

_Ten years ago, I was in a deep situation that forced me to leave my family behind. It was not what I had intended, I had feared that I would never see my family again._

At this point, there is no one else that I want other than Qin. Who else do I know that I would want? I may not know her on a deeper level like most of her siblings, but I held that child when she was born. I assisted her in her first steps. When she lost her shoe, I found it. When she fell asleep, I carried her to her bed.

_But this great hero among us brought me back my two most prized treasures. It is only fair that I share one of them with him, no matter how heart breaking it feels._

To think that this child that I've watched over for so long has grown up to be a beautiful peach blossom with the power to catch my attention with her sweet fragrance.

_My Qin has grown up to become a talented young woman. Though she brings me much trouble, butting heads with me every time we meet…_ Our guest laughed. _…she is still my most precious daughter. She is the only daughter that I have left, and I know that Zhao Zilong will take care of her._

Qin only stared down at the table nonchalantly, remaining resilient and unmoved by her father's words.

_Zhao Zilong, I am entrusting my little peach blossom to your good hands._

I grinned at my Lord, holding one fist in my other hand at him and bowed my head. "It is an honor to be entrusted with Lady Liu Qin. By this peach tree behind me, I vow to think of gently and care for my bride until they day that I die. Xiao Qin, I promise you."

I stared down at Qin intently as silence surrounded us. She only looked over at me with her eyes before looking to our guest and her father before looking down once more. With her sleeve, she covered her face. "Thank you," she quietly spoke. And with that, those who came to celebrate with us roared and cheered.

"Let's eat!" Zhang Fei held up his cup of wine, spilling it a little and the feast had begun.

Conversations and jokes as well as laughter filled the night as everyone dined. Some men drank, and some did not. The crickets began to sing and the stars began to show. It was a cool night. Young men courted young girls, children fell asleep, and the old reminisce their youth. Perhaps someday Qin and I will be like that too.

Perhaps.

I looked over to Qin who ate quietly. She took small bites. Actually, she barely ate. She had a little bit of this and a little bit of that. All the while, next to her, Lord Liu Shan fought to stay awake by constantly snacking a little from time to time, perhaps already full. Surprisingly, not once had she stopped Shan from eating.

I only stared at her with my eyes, not turning my head to her. The pale moonlight brought out the pale pink of her lips and cheeks. She had a small face, a very pretty face she had. She actually have a very clean and pretty neck nape, smooth. She turned to look at me with her brown eyes, quirking a brow at me. I only smiled at her, lifting a corner of my lips, before my eyes went back down to study the rest of her until I've realized what was going on.

"What are you doing?"

I smiled sheepishly, "I thought a saw a mosquito." She had caught me staring at her and I let her know that I was.

She rolled her eyes and began waving her sleeves at herself, trying to blow away the non-existent bug and stood up. "I'm going to serve tea now."

"Wait!" I grabbed her elbow. She only looked back down at me. "I'll come with you."

She only averted her eyes and walked away. I stood up to follow her as she picked up a tray with a porcelain teapot, hot and ready for her to serve, and clean teacups. I stood in front of her to block her path and smiled down at her with my eyebrows raised, taking the tray from her hands. She only looked down and walked past me. I smiled, following after my new wife as she made her way to my mother. She did not fight me for the tray.

Qin got onto her knees as I handed her a cup. She presented it to my mother who only smiled at the both of us. "Bai tou xie lao."

"Xie xie ni..." Qin bowed her head and waited for her to accept the cup but looked up in surprise when a necklace was placed on her.

"What a beautiful bride you make." As my mother began to tear up, it seemed as though Qin didn't know how to react. "I never thought that my Zilong would ever get married and you've finally shown up in his life. If only his father were here to witness."

"Mother, please don't cry." There was nothing more that I can do but to comfort my mother with words.

"I wished that my mother were here to see me." Everyone stared at Qin who only stared at my mother with sad eyes. It was a peculiar thing to say to a crying older woman. "But she is here, and so is my husband's father. They may not be here physically, but I believe that they are up in the heavens to witness this union. I only fear that I may not be a suitable bride in your late husband's eyes."

A small smile spread across my old mother's face, accepting the teacup from Qin as I gently smiled to the two of them. "You are more than worthy of my son."

"I fear that he is unworthy of troublesome girl like me."

"Sweet Qin, as humans on earth, we all have flaws that may or may not change. You are young, even a peach on a tree takes its time to ripe." Holding her softly by the chin, my mother raised Qin up to her feet. "In due time, you will understand and see you were made for my Zilong."

Qin only stared quietly before picking up the teapot. "Thank you, Mother."

"Xiao Qin, I thank you." Qin's brows rose before her eyes lowered. She bowed and poured tea for my mother. "Zilong, be kind to her."

"Of course."

"You have a lot of tea to serve, Xiao Qin."

My mother smiled up at Qin. "Yes, Mother." Qin bowed and continued on while looking back. I bowed to my mother and followed after Qin as she reluctantly, and slowly, approached her father before picking up a cup and getting on her knee, presenting it to Lord Liu Bei.

She frowned a little, but forced the word out of her lips. "Father." She refused to make eye contact as Lord Liu Bei accepted the cup.

"Qin." Qin only remained silent as she picked up the teapot and served her father. Slowly, Lord Liu Bei blew at the tea and took a small sip before pulling something out and adorning Qin with it. "You were right, your mother is here. Stand." Slowly, Qin did as she was told and set down the teapot, keeping her eyes on the ground. "Look at me." Qin's eyes looked up and locked with her father's. "There she is." Lord Liu Bei pointed at Qin and she only raised a brow at him, but he pushed at her heart. "You thought I was trying to get rid of you…" Qin adverted her eyes. "But you are the spitting image of your mother, you don't know how painful it is to watch your daughter grow up and have to find someone suitable to take care of her. Xiao Qin, you are still angry at me…for ten years now." Qin sighed uncomfortably as Lord Liu Bei set down his cup of tea, but not once did he remove his eyes from her. As always, a wedding day will always belong to the bride. I have no place to interrupt. I only smiled at the father and daughter and waited patiently. "A scare at a young age is a painful and unforgettable scar, so I do not blame you if you are still angered with me. But I want you to know that I am so glad that you are now in good hands that will take care of you. Zhao Zilong saved your life; he saved Shan's twice. I trust that he will treat you good and take care of you so you will have nothing to worry about. A man wants nothing more than to know his daughter will be in good hands when he goes." The ground beneath Qin began to dampen, drop by drop. "Qin?"

Qin only looked up with a stoic face, but what was strange was that though she showed no emotions, her eyes leaked with tears that stained her face.

"Stop trying to be so strong all the time." Liu Bei reached to her face to wipe her tears away. "It's okay to be weak sometimes." Immediately, Qin covered her face and choked. She broke. Softly, she cried, trying not to cry so loudly, being surrounded by so many people to witness her tears. "It only means that you too have a heart." And with those words, her knees weakened and she wept, covering her face, as my Lord pulled his only daughter into an embrace. In his arms, she cried like a child, finally letting go and letting her feelings out from holding them for who knows how long. All day? All week? Ten years? Ladies were moved to tears and the men were in awe. Even I wanted to smile to the sight before me. No one has ever seen our Lord and Lady Liu Qin so close for so long, and not only that, no one has ever seen Qin so weak before, so open, that even Qin had feelings that could be bottled up too. "Bao nian hao ho. If you ever need me, even if you hate me, even if you are still mad at me, come to me when you need me. No matter what, you will always be my Xiao Qin."

I grinned to the father and daughter. Even though she was crying, she wasn't crying out of hate or distress, she was crying for forgiveness and out of sadness. It's been so long since she's cried out loud like that. The last time I saw her so weak…was when I had finally returned to Lord Liu Bei's side and saw him embracing the little Qin in the peach garden just they way he was now. The only difference was, though she's grown up and has become the radiant beauty she is now, she is still that same little girl who cried for her father's forgiveness that evening in the peach garden.

She too was a woman. And like many women, she was made of water.

* * *

In the bridal room, in which after tonight will be our room for the rest of our lifetime together, a dragon and phoenix candle was lit. Qin laid by herself on the bed. I took off my robes and left my pant on, approaching her as I pulled my hair out of its tie. I sat beside the quietly sleeping Qin and gently pushed away some of her hair strands from covering her face. I've never seen such a defenseless Qin before, so peaceful and eased of mind.

She had already taken off all her ornaments and jewelry but was still in her wedding robes. It was a long night. She must have been exhausted.

Softly, I pushed her onto her back and she sprawled gently as I began to untie her robes and open them, revealing another layer of robes. Why did I feel so disappointed? I only sighed and began untying that layer as well.

"What are you doing…?" I looked over to her face as she quietly spoke and looked at me with her sleeping eyes until they opened wide with shock. "What are you doing?!" She immediately sat up and began to cover herself again.

"I'm undressing you?" Perhaps that came out wrong, seeing as she only stared at me more shocked with disbelief. "That's not what I meant…"

"How dare you! I am a woman!" With one arm, she covered herself, and with the palm of her other hand, she covered her mouth as she tried to scoot away from me, further into the bed.

I only stared at her in amusement. "But you are my woman now."

She only gasped at what I said before crawling to the end of the bed and getting off, trying to stay as far away from me as possible. "I am your wife, but I will never be your woman. And besides, my father said that no matter what a man says, to never let him see me beneath my robes. Goodnight, to you, I will sleep outside on the floor." My brows furrowed at her in confusion as she left the room and closed the door behind her. Did Lord Liu Bei really tell her that?

Perhaps she would do anything to get away from me, even if she had to force herself to sleep on the floor. My mother was in the next room; I should go and get Qin before she scolds me in the morning.


	5. Chapter 5

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 5

Confide In Me

* * *

It was dark out, dawn had not yet even awoken yet noise was being made out in the back of the new Zhao household in the early morning after the newlywed's wedding.

A hen clucked as it was stolen away from it's cage and her legs were tied. Small fingers plucked at the feathers on her neck before a small knife slit its throat and bled the flapping, dying, crying chicken into a bowl, collecting her blood.

As dawn began to rise, hot steam and smoke rose from the outdoor cooking house.

* * *

"Dearest Qin, what a wonderful breakfast you have made for us. "I only smiled gently as I brought some flowers, in a vase, to the table, setting in the center before I took a seat with my new mother-in-law. "You are very well nurtured."

"Thank you, Mother." As I sat with her, I used my chopsticks to help serve her first rather than allow her to serve herself. "I even prepared food for your journey back, may you have a safe trip home." With a smile, I served her tea, slowly and carefully. "Please, eat."

She ran her hand on my head, letting it slide down my hair and smiled at me. "We should wait for Zilong, he is your new husband after all."

"Oh! I would not dare to wake him. He must be so tired after last night." I only smiled back as I began to serve myself. _Actually…that pig can starve._

"Oh?" She seemed surprised before she looked away to smile. "I see that I shall be expecting grandchildren soon."

"Oh, no, not yet. I've yet to pray to the ancestors for one." My mother-in-law may have looked confused, but I'm pretty sure she knew exactly what I was talking about. Of course I knew what I walk talking about! Perhaps Zhao Yun was born differently. Hmm…maybe.

My father once told me that when I was born, on the day of my birth, the sun rose and the rays were so bright that the light completely blinded him and when it dimmed down; our ancestors presented me to him and my mother. I guess I may have not witness the light whenever I knew of a woman who had given birth, but I thought that it was perhaps because I was still sleeping or because I'm always cooped up inside my father's estate. Either way, it means that I don't have to worry about children right now. After all, my father also told me what when a man and a woman, both, want to have a child, that they first have to love one another so much that there would be enough love left to share with their baby. And when they were able to love each other enough, they would pray to the ancestors. If the ancestors feel that the man and woman love one another enough, then nine months later, they will bring a prize worthy of their patience.

With that being said, knowing my own "love" for Zhao Yun, I did not even "love" him enough to pray for a child. So, therefore, I wouldn't have to worry about having children any time soon. No matter how hard anyone prayed, I doubt that I will ever allow myself to love such a…such an old and horrid man!

"Good morning." When I looked up, I almost wanted to cover my face in shock when Zhao Yun came out and kissed his mother's forehead before coming around to me and doing the same. And when he did, a strange electric current ran up my spine. I wanted to frown and glare, but I couldn't… His mother was still here…

I had to keep up my act as the perfect wife for as long as I possibly could around Zhao Yun's mother. "Zilong! How embarrassing, "his mother spoke, "you're a grown man, you should wear a shirt!"

My cheeks flushed deeply as he sat next to me, so close to me, as I took my plate and set it in front of him, taking his empty one and serving myself once more. "Thank you, Dear." I sheepishly grinned to his mother who only smiled at me. That word, coming from him, that word… Why it just didn't feel right… It was awkward. "It's alright, Mother. I'm just going to quickly take a few bites and then I'll warm up for training." He knew I was uncomfortable with it, yet he just smiles so innocently without much thought. It was embarrassing…to see his…well...to see his muscle arms and his…muscle chest and his muscle stomach, even if some of his long hair draped over his form, it was a…very nice form…actually…

How indecent!

"Zilong, it has not even been a day after your wedding and you're already going to neglect your wife after her rite of passage? Training can take place after a week from now, spend some time with your wife. Do not leave her lonely."

"Rite of passage?" I sat there and ate quietly as Zhao Yun conversed with his mother. He was a neat eater, proper too, that or he knew not to speak with his mouth full in front of his mother.

After all…

* * *

"Are you going to eat this?" Guan Xing held a meat bun in front of my face before taking a large bite out of it already.

"Hey! That looks good!" Guan Suo used his chopsticks to pick up a dim sum from Bao Sanniang's plate.

"Hey! That's mine!"

"Not anymore!" Guan Suo only grinned at Sanniang with his mouth full of food, still chewing.

"Hey, if you're only going to sit there and watch, then don't mind if I help myself." Zhao Bao held up his chopsticks before quickly picking up many pieces of food and devouring them.

* * *

"I hope you didn't hurt little Qin too much last night, she seems to be a very delicate young lady."

I raised a brow as Zhao Yun began to cough and choke on his food, covering his mouth while pounding on his chest. "M-Mother! ..we haven't…consummated yet…"

Consummated? What a strange word.

"What is 'consummated'?" I stared at the mother and son, confused as they both just turned to stare at me. I smiled innocently.

* * *

"I'll come back to visit!"

"See you soon!"

"Have a safe journey home, Mother!"

Zhao Yun and I stood at the entrance of our new estate as we waved farewell to his relatives as they make their journey home to Changshan. We continued waving, just the two of us, as they waved back, until they disappeared from sight. And as soon as they were, I immediately turned and frowned at Zhao Yun before I slapped his chest.

"Put some clothes on, have you no shame of your uncivilized behavior?" I frowned and turned to walk back inside the house, "I can barely stand to see—AAHH!" Before I could fall, strong arms had already captured me and pulled me up in them. I flushed, gritting my teeth, as I looked up to my new husband's face, so close to mine, who only stared down at me. I had tripped on a rock I had not seen and would have landed on another one if I had fell completely. I glared down to the ground, "Put me down." (The ground did not do as I said, just kidding…I…I don't know…)

"Nope." I stared back up at him, with furrowed brows as he walked into the house with me in his arms. "We're going to consummate."

What?!

He brought me into our bedroom and tossed me onto the bed before he closed the door. And though I tried to scurry off the bed, he tossed me back in again. The bed was covered on three sides, there was only one way out. He cornered me into the walls and I did what I could and began kicking and screaming and pounding while he only turned his back and continued to trap me in that corner while I kicked and pounded on his back.

"Can you do that a little bit harder? That actually feels nice." He laughed to his little joke as I huffed in irritation. I had forgotten…my lack of physical strength… But the I remembered that I didn't need strength to do what I was about to do next. And so I grabbed onto his long locks and pulled on them, making his head jerk back only to fall onto my bosoms! He only stared up at me with those eyes of his before he pulled me down on top of him and rolled on top of me instead, sitting on me straddled between his legs. My hair fell out of it's neat bun as I stared up at him in shock before crossing my arms over my chest. I kicked with my legs and pulled my fingers out to scratch at him as I screamed for help. There was a struggle between us as he tried to stop my hands and silence me with words.

How dare he!

Weight suddenly lifted off of me, I stopped screaming and saw my husband lay down next to me with his arms beneath his head, looking up to the ceiling of our bed.

"Am I that repulsing or did I scare you?"

Of course you scared me…

"You're utterly disgusting!" I frowned and crossed my arms, turning away, laying on my side so I wouldn't have to face him and so that he would not see my face.

I could hear him chuckle softly. "Only Xiao Qin can make me feel so hurt." Though that was the first time I heard him say such a thing, I should be happy to hear such words. But even though my mind felt pleased, those words didn't rest well in my chest.

Slightly frustrated I then turned around with sharp eyes on my husband… "Alright then…we'll consummate…" I still didn't know what that word meant, but it was probably referring to what happened last night when…when…ahh! Just the thought of it make me uneasy… Slowly, I held onto the collar as he turned to stare down at me. We kept eye contact as I began to pull my robes open…but he looked down when I stopped. My face began to heat up and my teeth gritted. My hand shook… All we had to do to consummate was for me to show him what was beneath my robes right? My eyes began to feel more moist than they were just a moment ago. I stared at Zhao Yun's eyes as he only stared down at the small opening of my robes.

"_Oh, Xiao Qin~!"_

"_No, don't look at me!"_

My heart began to race as I began to shake in front of him. "I can't!" I turned around, hiding my face in the sheets as my arms closed in as if to shelter my rabidly beating heart.

How indecently horrific!

Softly, a large arm came and slung over me, I can feel his warm breath on my ear. "It'll be alright. To have you as mine is enough for me. Don't force yourself." I turned to look at him as he got off the bed and left the room, leaving me alone. I sighed and huffed, blowing some strands of my hair out of my face before falling on my back again, thinking. I stared back at the door, somewhat relieved but hurt inside.

Whatever! It's not like I wanted to marry him anyways! Why do I care if he's unhappy with me?

* * *

For the next two days or so, our lives were quiet. Every morning, I'd wake and he'd be outside, training…shirtless… I-it's not like I want to see him undressed! I have to walk past him in order to cook in the outhouse! And moving on, even our meals were quiet.

Unless, that is, I were to provoke him.

"How do you like your soup?"

"It's delicious, I've heard so much about Xiao Qin's wonderful cooking, I am pleased to have you for a wife."

"I hope you can taste the opium."

Because he happened to be sitting next to me, he grabbed my face and kissed me, sharing his soup with me, even if I were to struggle against him and try to push him off me. This kiss was even more disgusting than the first. And even if I did feel sick, at the same time, I probably felt even worse considering I believe that I may have swallowed down my own vomit with his soup.

He finally released me for air as I took large breaths, exasperated.

"If I were to die of poison, then at the least I'd be with you."

He only smiled at me innocently before I slapped it off his face.

And other times, he'd…indirectly complain.

I poured him a cup of tea and as soon as he took a sip, he spat it back out. "Why is your tea so…bitter?"

I only stared at him with furrowed brows, hesitant to talk about it. "Is it…?"

I was never good at brewing tea. "Uhh…yeah… But that's alright. What more can I ask for than a lovely wife like Xiao Qin." He smiled at me with those soft eyes of his.

I once heard from someone that a bitter person is only capable of brewing bitter tea. Well…it's not like I don't admit to it…that I'm a bitter person.

I only frowned and averted my eyes as I sat down in my spot. "Well, I guess we'll be drinking tea like this for the rest of our lives." He only spat his sip back out and stared at me shocked. The only reason why tea in the morning after our wedding was perfectly fine was because his mother had this 'special' tea she wanted to share with me.

A soft hand lay on top of mines in my lap. "Then from now on, your husband shall brew tea for you." I looked over at him before frowning and pushing his hand away from my body.

"Don't touch me!"

Other than that, our days together, all by ourselves were pretty quiet.

Believe it or not, his tea was actually quite delicious…compared to mines, which was bitter and left a bitter after taste. His was light and soothing to the throat, it was actually calming to the mind.

Not that I haven't realized it already but I guess there are just a lot of things that I'm really just not very good at…but it's not like I'm going to let anyone know I'm not good at something fit for a woman… Only three people know of my horrible tea making skills…and Zhao Yun was now one of them.

I packed some things up to take back to Shan, it was the third day. I could finally go back…even if it was no longer my home, but I felt a little relieved. Staying home with my…husband…was like staying home with a stranger you just simply do not like. No matter what.

But if anything, I'd like for Guan Ping to see me walk in with my husband and tell him all sorts of lies about how happy we are and how we consummated, or 'showed him my undergarments', which never happened. I still don't understand that word, but it's not like I have to worry about it. I will never consummate with Zhao Yun if that meant he had to see what was beneath my robes. Not ever.

* * *

A white goose drifted across the pond quietly and calmly as we walked into my father's estate. An eunuch lead us through the pond garden across the wooden boards and beneath pagodas.

"Zilong is quiet…"

"Yes, he is."

"Not that no one knows it already, but that sure shows that Lord Zhao Yun has a good personality."

"Of course he'd bring us a quiet goose."

"Father, what is the most important thing to a country?"

"To honor the people. Without them, there can be no country."

"Then let the people do all the work. Why should we have to work up a sweat?"

…

"You mustn't say such things. Do not repeat those words to anyone else, understand?"

"Yes, Father."

"I am not distracted!"

"Here comes Qin Jie Jie."

I gave a frustrated huff when an eunuch presented Zhao Yun and I to my father.

"Qin Jie Jie, we named the goose, that Lord Zhao Yun has brought, Zilong!" I turned to look back to see the white goose drifting about peacefully before looking back in and frowning at my father, walking in further to take my place at on a cushion.

I turned my eyes away from my father and my brother. To explain my outburst earlier, I was actually looking for Ping but then Zhao Yun had to ask, multiple times, if I was distracted by something. Doesn't he know that when a woman doesn't want to answer a question, she won't and will get frustrated? Why did I give up on myself and marry him?

My father only stared down at me with cautious eyes, "Qin, are you alright? Three days and you're already acting up? I thought you've changed but perhaps I was wrong."

"Why? Because you made me cry in front of all of your generals?" I frowned at my father. I haven't forgiven him yet. "I only simply gave up married this thing," I pointed to Zhao Yun as he only quirked a brow at me, "just to get everyone off of my back." My father only shook his head at me as if he was regretting something, which was good! Good!

"Forgive me, my Lord, it's only a misunderstanding." "I wanted to roll my eyes at Zhao Yun, how can he always be…the way he always his? So…pure and/or whatnot? I can't even comprehend the way he is.

"A misunderstanding?" My father seemed surprised. "With my daughter?" He leaned back into his seat, giving me a questioning look.

"Misunderstanding?" Even I was puzzled as I raised my hands and shoulders before pointing to Zhao Yun, "How can anyone misunderstand his very straightforward advances?!"

"What advances? You wouldn't even let me touch you."

"Father, he tried to undress me after the wedding and I told him you said that no matter what a man says that I must never allow them to see me beneath my robes. See what kind of marriage you've put me in?! You should punish him!" I pointed to Zhao Yun as my father only gaped at me, loss for words.

"I-I, I never tried anything after that!" My husband only raised his hands in his defense.

"Oh yeah?!" I gave a hard stare to the older man, "What about what you were trying to do the morning after? This 'consummation' or whatever it's called, whatever that is, you sicken me! And! And that time with the soup!"

"I was only teasing you! And you pretended to poison me!" I watched as my husband slapped himself. "Now I sound childish…"

"Father, can I leave…" A'dou began to stand up…

"A'dou, sit and support me!" I glared at Shan as he only slowly sad back down and looked to our father with his eyes. Our father only looked up before staring down and massaged his temples with his middling finger and thumb. He looked back at us with a loss for words before sighing and letting his head drop back into his hand.

"Qin, do you agree that perhaps you are acting rather childishly?" I gasped in shock to my father. "I thought that marriage will change you and make you grow up, when are you going to act like an adult?"

"Act like an adult? Grow up? You do realize that I am still only seventeen years old, right?" I frowned at my father as I quirked a brow. "I was only doing as you told me! And this…this beast," Zhao Yun only grinned sheepishly before looking away and sighing, "tried to assault me!"

"Xiao Qin, please, forgive me, I will not do such things again."

"Punish him!" I ignored him.

My father sat there quietly. "Why is it that every time we meet, you have to act up, I never once thought that raising a daughter would be so hard. I though Shan was going to be hard! But you! You're the most stubborn and difficult. You are supposed to be my treasure, you are the treasure that is hardest for me to share and you sit in front of me, giving your husband, my most esteemed and valued general a difficult time? What is wrong with you?"

I only stared at my father with furrowed brows. "I am to blame then…?"

"Ah! No, my Lord, perhaps I am to blame since I do not know much of Xiao Qin—"

"No, Qin is the problem." I remained silent. "A bitter person is only capable of making bitter tea. Until your tea is bitter-less, do not dare come back into this household."

"Father…"

"Fine!" I sat up on my knees with glossed eyes before standing up and running out, not allowing my husband to catch me.

"Xiao Qin!" Zhao Yun sighed as my father shook his head.

"And this was supposed to be a happy meeting too…"

* * *

The evening sun began to set as I stood inside the small out, taking a sip of hot tea before spitting it out and tossing away what the cup held out the window. Bitter, bitter every time I brewed. I literally took my father's words to heart, literally brewing tea. But he was right. A bitter person is only capable of brewing bitter tea. No matter how many times I brewed or even diluted the tea, it was still bitter and left a bitter after taste. Waste of water, waste of tea leaves.

"Your water is too hot."

Startled, I jumped, spilling my cup of tea on my hand. I winced and dropped my cup as my husband entered the outhouse to inspect my hand.

"Are you alright?!"

I only pulled my hand away and huffed, not wanting to talk to him.

"Here, allow me."

I had thought that he was going to demonstrate, but instead, he gently took my hands and guided me, boiling new water and measuring the right amount of tea leaves for the small porcelain kettle. He lead my hand and poured boiling water into the tea pot where the tea leaves waited. We waited a few minutes and he held up my hand that had been burnt by water, beginning to rash. He only stared at it as I tried not to mind how close he was to me, holding onto me from behind. It's not like I've never been burnt before, I just haven't been burnt like this for a long while now. I stared at how intently he was observing my hand before he pressed his lips against the back of my hand and whispered something. Startled, I did the only thing I could think of and pulled my hand away, staring out the window as though I was unaffected. He poured me a cup of tea and held it up to my face. I reached for the cup with my hand, but he only moved it away. I eyed him as he only smiled and shook his head at me. I only sighed as I opened my lips to drink it but he only moved it away again. "Calmly and gently take in the scent of the tea." How ridiculous… But I did as he said anyways, and as ridiculous as it felt, because he was holding the cup to me, it was actually soothing and calming. He leaned against me, over my shoulder and blew at the tea for me before helping me drink.

Why was his tea so…light and calming? So soothing and comforting? What was I doing wrong compared to him?

Just who exactly did I marry?

Dinner was quiet, we barely spoke a word to one another. What was there to be said?

Perhaps our meals together would always been this quiet.

I sat in our room, brushing my hair as he came in and began undressing himself, walking about the room without a shirt.

"Xiao Qin, you know…even though your father told you many things as a child, you should realize now that, not only are you a married woman, you are an adult now."

I stood up and put down my brush before moving to sit on our bed. I looked over to my husband and opened up my robes, revealing another set beneath them. "Then come and undress me then." I only stared down before I looked up to see Zhao Yun stared at me with crinkled brows. But even though he was perhaps puzzled by my sudden request, he came to me anyways and reached for my collar.

But as quickly as he touched my clothes, I grabbed his wrist with my burnt hand, beginning to rash. I stared up at him as he only looked down at me before smiling softly, leaning down to brush his lips against my cheek. I gasped, terrified as his lips traveled down my neck.

"I-I can't…"

"I know…"

His hands left my inner robes and pushed off the first layer of my robes.

"I'm not romantic, nor do I know how to be, but I will try and do whatever I can to please you." He looked at my face before wiping away the tears that threatened to fall. His face was so close to mines, I felt hot…I could hear my heart beating in my head…could he hear it too? He laid a soft peck on my lips as I closed them, afraid. "But you will never have to worry, because I will always wait for you."

"Why are you telling me this…?" I looked away, not daring to meet his eyes but he pulled my attention to them anyways.

"Because I am willing to love you." He smiled at me as though he was so sure of himself.

"But isn't it hard?"

"Sometimes the hardest person to love is the one who needs it the most." He pushed my hair out of my face as his lips met mine again as I tried to hold in trembling lips and tears. He pulled my hand onto his chest where I could feel his heart beating through his chest and the back of my burnt hand to his cheek, softly stroking it there. "Please…confide in me…"


	6. Chapter 6

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 6

Xiang Cai

* * *

"Remember what I told you." Steam filled the air of the outdoor cooking house. "Not too much, not too little. That's good!"

"Ah! I did it!"

It's been a little over a month since my…somewhat happy marriage…

These days of spending more time together seem to have brought us a little bit closer together. Somewhat.

When my friends come over, she's the quiet and obedient little wife that 'no one' remembers and serves dinner. Sometimes she'll answer questions or respond to being teased. If only she was that playful with me and that tender around me.

When her cousins visited for their weekly embroidery sessions and/or cooking lessons, I was usually outside or away from home. But when the girls involved me, of course…I do what I can to stay in Qin's good graces when there are guest.

"Qin Jie Jie's gaining weight. Lord Zhao Yun, you must be treating her very well."

"Are you implying that I'm fat?" For some reason, I absolutely love it when I see Qin's cheeks puff up with a frown on her face. It kind of makes me want to tease her more and more.

"Well, that's not really what I meant, but gaining weight is the sign of a good husband. Otherwise, it'll have to be, is Qin Jie Jie have a baby soon?"

"What!? No way! Xiao Sanniang!"

"Ooh, Jie Jie and Lord Zhao Yun must have been pretty busy lately~!" Sanniang and Yinping both giggled together as Qin fumed, her cheeks puffing up more and more as she shut her eyes and shook her fists, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Hearing that had made me laugh nervously…

Kids these days…with cousins like them, how does Qin not know?

Ahh…

There were also times when I caught Qin trying to hide Lord Liu Shan as well…

…like this one day when I was coming home, carrying pales of water with a good stick on my shoulders.

"Lord Zhao Yun!"

I turned around, surprised, to see an eunuch running outside in the sun and dirt towards me, his robes flapping about. He approached me and stopped to crouch over with his hands on his knees, panting.

"L…Lord Zhao Yun…" I only stared down at him with raised brows, waiting for him to catch his breath. "Have…Have you…Have you seen Lord Liu Shan?" Between words, he was still trying to catch his breath after his voice died with Lord Liu Shan's name. "He disappeared early this morning right before breakfast and has not been seen since…"

"No, I haven't." I frowned down at the tired eunuch, worriedly, before narrowing my eyes in suspicion, standing back up, straight. "But when I find him, I'll bring him home." I smiled kindly.

"Oh, thank you! You are very gracious, My Lord." He smiled up at me before bowing multiple times. "You have a good record for finding the Young Master."

"Oh, it's not so hard to find him." We smiled to each other before saying our good days and I turned to enter my home estate. "Xiao Qin!" Quick shuffling and movement made their small noises from inside the house as I took the pales to pour into the large pots, outside, that we used to store water. "Qin?"

I walked up to the house and opened the door to see Qin close the bedroom door, blowing her bangs from her face. "You're home."

"I'm home." I smiled, approaching her and laid a soft kiss on her cheek before staring down at her frown. I chuckled a little before turning my head to the dining table. "I see you had lunch. With whom?"

"Huh?"

There were two bowls with utensils, both had been used. "With whom?" I smiled down, sweetly, at my little wife. Yes, that's what Xiao Qin is, my very own, little, child-like, wife.

"Oh, by myself." She brushed past me to clean the table. "I was waiting for you but then I got hungry."

I only watched her for a moment before crossing my arms. "Oh?" She only nodded, not daring to look my way. "You used two bowls?" I quirked a brow, watching as Qin placed the dishes in a larger washing bowl.

Qin only frowned at me, picking up the bowl and holding it as her side. "I was hungry, so I ate your portion too."

"Oh, my Little Wife must have been working so hard today to become so hungry!" I went over to her and pulled the bowl away, setting it on the table before picking Qin up from her knees, spinning her a little as her palms laid on my shoulders. "After eating so much, perhaps she should take a rest and nap."

She yelped as I tossed her up and to better shift her into a cradle in my arms. "But the dishes…"

"The dishes can wait." I carried Qin over to our bedroom, using my foot to slide the door open. Now just where could she be hiding him? "After I spend a little bit of intimacy with my Little Wife."

She creamed a little when I threw her onto the bed, pushing herself up to brush away hair that had fallen over her face. Over the month, she became accustomed to me. "What do you think you're doing?" Even I can be a playful, even if it was only a little. She turned her head and glared at me, trying to get off as I climbed onto the bed with her.

"I just want to shower you with my love." Qin only frowned as I pinned her down softly, not daring to straddle her, remember the last time I did that. "I want to make love with you." I smiled sweetly as I leaned in close to her neck.

"No! I'm leaving!" Immediately, Lord Liu Shan ran out from behind the bed with his eyes covered by his hands, knocking down the rice paper door and destroying it.

Of course, we returned him back home, and of course Qin was scolded, but I stood for her.

I'm trying…

Over the days that we spent together, I hope, she seems to have opened up to me a little more. Every morning at breakfast and every night before bed, I'd kiss her forehead. Every time I had to leave the house, I'd kiss her cheeks. Every time I came home, I'd embrace her. She would always have lovely pink cheeks. She would always frown at me or glare at me, but not once did she complain or tell me to stop. I think she likes my attention.

I want to hope that she's falling for me…

I want her to fall for me…

They say that those hardest to love are the ones that needs it the most. Honestly saying, Qin is not hard to love at all.

In fact, I'm starting to believe that perhaps…I've loved her all along…

I've seen her not often, but when I do, she gets lovelier and lovelier every single time.

I just guess that she's been very special to me all along.

After all, she is my wife now.

My very own, little, child-like wife.

Qin and I stared at the tea cup as she poured the hot liquid in it. The fragrant aroma permeated through the outhouse. We watched as a few tea leaves floated to the top. Qin set down the little tea pot.

I smiled, "Looks like a sign of good fortune." I reached for the porcelain cup but as soon as my fingers brushed against it, the cup instantly shattered, startling Qin.

What…just happened?

* * *

"So you're saying that as soon as you touched the cup, it just shattered?" I sat in the presence of my lord and Lord Zhuge Liang. I had Qin wait outside with her cousins. "Let me see, come here, Zilong." I did as he asked and scooted forward, watching him as he poured me a cup of tea. "Please." He gestured me to the cup.

I stared at the cup, rather hesitant, before smiling and bowing, accepting the cup. Surprisingly the cup did not shatter as I had expected it to. I brought it to my lips, inhaling the aroma before drinking it slowly. I thanked Lord Zhuge Liang once more, setting the cup back down.

"Liu Ji!" Lady Liu as Qin was called. We looked out the door to see Qin stop her chatter with her younger sisters. Zhuge Liang waved her over. "Come and serve your husband."

"Serve my husband?" Qin frowned and I chuckled nervously. Qin hated that phrase or any phrase that was close to it.

"No, no!" I waved my hand, "Please, I want Qin to pour me some tea." I grinned over to her, watching her frown, shifting her eyes before getting up with what seems like irritation.

She entered the room and gave a half hearted bow before kneeling beside me, taking the porcelain pot and poured a cup of tea for me. I thanked her as I reached for the cup while she put the pot down. As soon as I touched the cup, it shattered and startled Qin enough for her to seek comfort from me, grabbing onto me and hiding her face in my arms.

I laughed hesitantly when Lord Liu Bei stared at us in surprise.

"Interesting…" Zhuge Liang played with his beard, staring down at the cup as Qin quickly pulled herself away from me and glared to the side. "Hmm...I am only assuming that the yin and yang between the two of you is unbalanced…but I've never seen anything like this."

"Our yin and yang is unbalanced?" Hearing that actually worried me a little, could it have mean…

"How often down Liu Ji leave the house?" Zhuge Liang stared directly towards Qin, quirking a brow at her.

She only looked over to me before looking away. "Not often…"

"And how long do you leave the house?" The question was directed at me next.

"…" What should I say…? "Almost every day…" I didn't want it to seem like Qin was underprivileged or I never allowed her out.

"Oh? Is Zilong not sharing Qin with the rest of the world?"

"No! It's not like that!" Qin sat up on her knees, surprisingly, somewhat, defending me before she slunk back down… "It's hot and I don't like walking in the dirt… Being in the sun too much burns me and makes my skin irritated."

"So I see…so you should know, you should visit public places more, or else you and your husband me dry by dehydration." He fanned himself as he sat there, picking up the shattered pieces of glass. "During dry times like this, women, who are pertained to yin, should appear in public places. Unless it is necessary, men should stay indoors or be secluded."

"So in order to fix this, Qin must start going outdoors for a while?"

"At this point," Zhuge Liang gestured to the shattered glass, "perhaps, but I do not know."

"And within a week we leave for another military campaign." I stared over to my father in law before staring down in thought…

"Hmm…there is a saying, but it has yet to become a theory…" I stared up at Lord Zhuge Liang, waiting for what he had to say. "Which is why we are discussing this privately." With good aim, Zhuge Liang closed his fan and sent it flying at the doorway, clatting against the pillar outside. We heard the sound of frightened girls shriek before they got up and pitter pattered away. "Now as I was saying," Qin and I looked to Lord Zhuge Liang once more, "It is only something that's been said but never actually proven. It's only a sympathetic "magic" that's been made up and has yet to be proven, but at this point, I have no answer to what could be happening between the two of you. They say that every now and then, husband and wife must engage in sexual relation."

"Sexual relation?!" My face heated up while Qin remained confused.

"…what?" Her eyes narrowed, not understanding such a word. "What is sexual…relation?" she frowned before crossing her arms. "It doesn't have to do with being a good and obedient wife, does it?"

Zhuge Liang only stared at Qin, baffled before chuckling and shifting his eyes to the embarrassed Liu Bei. "Somewhat.

Qin groaned a little as she stared away from me, irritated. I caught notice of her soft and smooth neckline.

"At this point…" Lord Zhuge Liang smiled, amused, "I believe Zilong will explain it to you. You may not have to proceed to such acts if you start going out to public places, but considering the campaign coming up, who knows how long it may take for the two of you to be able to have water or tea without it being offered to you by another person."

Qin only stared at Zhuge Liang before frowning a little, looking over to me. My cheeks grew hot and I looked away.

"You haven't even told your husband your style name yet either, haven't you?" Zhuge Liang stared at Qin expectantly…

Qin only looked at me before shifting her eyes. "I…don't feel I am ready to do so yet…"

"Oh? Something as intimate as that hasn't been shared yet?"

I only smiled, trying to put up with it.

But still, it hurt a little…

* * *

"So, what is this 'sexual relation'?" We had only just arrived home, it was late. We had dinner back at Lord Liu Bei's home.

"It's nothing, just be prepared to go out tomorrow." Qin only frowned a little.

I began to unclothe myself, pulling on a night robe. "At least let me know if it's nothing." Qin frowned at me, pulling down her hair, picking up her own robes, leaving the bedroom and closing the door to change out there.

"If you want to know…" I paused, "…never mind…." I shouldn't…not to Qin.

I stared at her silhouette, watching her shadow take off her robes, her slender body was casted against the rice paper as a shade. She had small bosoms, but a very pretty shape. I stared and watched as she pulled her clothes on. "You're really not going to let me know, are you?"

I shouldn't…

…but I was ready…

She opened the door and closed it as she stepped it. When she turned, I already had a quick hold on her and pulled her to the bed quickly, pushing her onto it as I hovered over her, delicately pinning down her arms above her.

"Do you really want to know what a sexual relation is?" She only stared up at me with eyes that stayed between shock and fright. I lightly straddled her, not allowing her to kick me. "In order to have that, you must give your whole self to me, open your whole to me and promise yourself only to me." Her eyes began to water as she shut her mouth, trying to stay as strong as possible. It pained me a little to see that…I was making her cry but she didn't want to cry beneath me. I watch that tear slide down the side of her face as she only stared up at me. "It is when a man and a woman becomes one, but I don't want to hurt you…" It is only human nature…somehow…I feel…that somehow…deep inside…she knows what it is…she just didn't know what it was called… "I don't want to make you cry…" I let go of her hands, but she seemed paralyzed. I wiped her eyes of her tears. "I don't want to hurt you because you are my wife…" I stared down at her clothes and pulled them together, closing them and retying them. "If anything, as your husband, I will share with you that I'd like to become one with you, but as your husband, I never want to do anything that will hurt you or make you cry…" It hurt a little, seeing that expression on her face. "I won't ever do that to you…ever again…I can't promise, but I can promise that it'll never be in my intention."

Her lips shut and began to quiver; I could feel her shaking beneath me as her eyes grew redder and redder, welling up more and more with new tears. "There's something hard…"

I stared at her, stifling a laugh, but she must have been scared out of her mind and heart. I only gave an amused huff, gently pulling myself off her and sitting up.

"Get some rest, you should go out tomorrow." I smiled a little, staring down to my very own, little, child-like wife. She only stared at me, perhaps still terrified by my…horrific behavior. I sighed, laying a hand softly on her forehead. "Good night." I smiled a little before pulling a pillow. "I'll sleep outside tonight." I gave her a reassuring kiss on her forehead and blew out the candle before making my way carefully out of the room to take care of myself as quietly as possible.

It was lonely, and this loneliness felt painful…but it would be more painful to Qin.

* * *

The next morning and the morning after that, after breakfast, Qin's cousins came to pick her up. I didn't feel safe with Qin going out by herself so I requested for the girls to came and take her with them. Every morning, after breakfast, I'd kiss her cheek as she went out the door, and when she came home, I'd do it once more. Each time, I'd get closer and closer to her lips, hoping that she won't notice.

As for staying hydrated, perhaps it's gotten a little better. We can't drink water or tea yet, but we cheated our way with soup. Perhaps the ancestors are being kind to us.

Being home alone, all by myself, it surprisingly felt lonely…I wonder if that is how Qin felt as well?

…perhaps not…considering Qin…

I sat in a tub of water, bathing in the shade, away from the hot sun and stared up to the sky. The walls of the estate covered me, and just to be safe, in the case that the girls were to return anytime soon, towels and cloths were hung to cover me as well. There was a slight breeze, which was rather nice, considering it was hot out.

I cupped some water and washed the sweat off of my face, exhaling in relaxation.

Though lonely, it was pretty relaxing.

Somewhat…

…somewhat…that word…

It's a word that's been used a lot recently now, isn't it? Somewhat.

I sighed and let my head fall back, closing my eyes. It was quiet…the birds sung and the wind blew and I could hear the sound of trickling water… …trickling water? I opened my eyes to look up at the sky once more. The wooden boards of the bathtub felt a bit strange as well. I looked down at the dir outside the tub to see a pool of water…if I had to think about it, there was less water in the tub now as well. My eyes shifted as I could hear the cracking of wood and the sound of distant chatter and giggle from girls… I sat up, wrapping my arms around myself as the wood from the tub broke and splinted and water rushed out. I immediately stood up, reaching for the towels, accidentally pulling down the all of the other cloths that kept me covered, just right as the girls were walking in from the entrance.

Their chatter immediately stopped and they all screamed before rushing out as I tried to pull all of the clothes to cover my lower half. I sighed in exasperation and rubbed my eyes with my hand in embarrassment…

* * *

Dinner was quiet as Qin poured a cup of tea for me, and the moment I had touched it, it shattered… I only frowned, feel a bit agitated through the events that happened this past week. And yet, the next morning, I would have to leave on a military campaign…it would be the first time I'd leave Qin alone for a long while since our wedding. I reached for a piece of meat with my chopsticks, trying to grab a piece, but no matter what, I couldn't get a hold of one. Not even a tiny little piece nor a large piece that shouldn't be hard to grab. Giving up, I gave an irritated sigh, setting down my eating utensils and sitting back, surprised to see a pair of chopsticks set, neatly, a piece of meat in my bowl of rice.

I looked over to Qin who only ate quietly and rather calmly. She didn't look at me.

Smiling a little, I picked up my chopsticks once more and ate.

…for some reason…it…this piece of meat…tasted a lot better than the other pieces I've picked up. I stared at my wife as I chewed slowly; watching her eat small bites and soft chews. She only kept her eyes down, picking up whatever whenever. I watched as she used her spoon to drink liquid from the soup that we shared, she spilled a little and I stared at the liquid as it slid down her neck, slowly. She looked at me before staring away, using her sleeve to wipe herself.

"Why are you staring at me?"

I stared at her in surprise before chuckling a little. "I was just thinking of how much I'll miss you after I leave tomorrow." I continued to eat, poking at the food, trying to pick some up, but still unable too. Qin saw this and helped me, setting meat and vegetables in my bowl.

"Oh, that's right." She looked away as I ate. Though we actually held a conversation tonight, it felt more quiet and usual. "You're leaving."

"Will you think of me?"

Her eyes returned to mine before her cheeks flushed and she frowned. "Of course not!" She looked away with wrinkled brows, but her puffed cheeks were still rosy.

I laughed at her. "I'll think of Xiao Qin often. I'll think of Qin every single day to the point that my heart will break unless I see her, unless she is sleeping besides me."

"You want me to go to war with you?" I stared at her, shocked, as she turned my sweet words against me.

"N-no, that's not what I meant!" I…couldn't explain myself…

"When you're finished, you can go ahead to bed." She frowned, standing up and pickling up her bowl and utensils. "You leave at dawn, you should rest." She began to clean the table, leaving a little bit of food for me as she took the washing bowl outside to wash the dishes.

I only sighed as she left, quietly finishing up by myself.

* * *

Quietly, the door slid open and closed. It was dark in the room, a slender shadow moved with what little light there was. She pulled her robes open and off as she searched for clothes. A hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her into his arms. "Don't…"

"What are you doing?" she harshly whispered. I can feel her heart pounding through her chest against mine.

Though she fought against me, I pulled her onto the bed and held her down. The moonlight shown down on her face, but the rest of her was shield within the darkness. Qin stared up at me with glossed eyes as she tried to cover herself with her arms. She bit her lips

She was frightened…and it hurts to know that.

"I'll be gentle…" She laid there quietly and as still as possible when I leaned down and kissed her cheek before caressing her neck with my lips. I heard her breath caught and looked to her. Tears began to well up from her eyes and shed. "Are you afraid…?"

She only stared up at me before shaking her head and looking away, biting her lip. She was afraid of me.

And though I knew she was scared, I couldn't imagine everything she must be feeling. I said nothing as I lowered myself onto her, kissing away her tears, running my hands along her slender arms. Her eyes shut as she trembled beneath me. Even if I were to be stabbed a thousand times, I don't believe that it would hurt as much as hurting Qin. But can't I be a little greedy too?

My hand ran along her smooth abdominal before her hand grabbed mines. "Stop…" She didn't look at me, she bit her lip. "…stop…"

I only stared down at her with furrowed brows, hurt inside. "No." I said it… "Qin is my wife…" She only stared up at me with shocked eyes before her quiet trembles became quiet weeps. "Why won't you accept me…?"

"Because…" She cover herself up and even used her hands to cover her neck.

"_Because…I'm afraid to lose a part of me…"_

She arched her back and the moonlight, let in from the window, illuminated her fair skin. Her breath got caught in her throat.

"_Is that why you won't tell me your style name?"_

She whimpered as our bodies joined together and held onto me, biting her lips as she leaned over my shoulder. "It hurts…"

"It'll be alright…" I tried hard to control myself as she clung onto me, whimpering in pain. Trying to ease her hurt, I moved slowly.

"…_yes…"_

"Ahh!" She cried out as I bit onto her shoulder.

Her scent and mine mixed and permeated our bedroom

"_You will never lose a part of yourself, give yourself to me and I will protect you."_

Slowly, she gave in and there were no more words, only sounds. Her sweet cries and vulnerable expressions, her nails clawing at my back…I'll immerse myself within her, dye herself onto me. Her scent, her voice, her eyes, her soul, I want to remember and have for as long as I am gone. I don't want to ever forget her…

…_and I don't want her to forget me either…_

* * *

I stared down at the sleeping girl, pulling the covers over her as she lay exhausted. Her hair stuck onto her from the sweat.

I looked out the window and dawn was arriving soon.

I didn't sleep…I couldn't…

This face, I wanted to be able to see it for as long as possible…but as the cock crowed, I had to leave, forcing myself away from Qin as I got up to prepare for the journey.

I pulled on my armor and carried my helmet, peeking back into the bedroom, watching as Qin turned in her sleep before I closed the door and walked out of the house. My white steed stood ready for me as I mounted. With one last look to my house, I rode off to the meeting destination, putting on my helmet and tying it on.

* * *

Soft eyes opened and sat up, looking over the bed…

* * *

Over the plains, the sun began to rise on the horizon as soldiers and generals stood ready to march in rows. Families and loved ones lined up at the side to watch and see us off. Lord Liu Bei rode to the front and nodded to us generals and we nodded back, reading to leave as he held his arm up and waved, riding off as we followed out of the city.

"Zhao Zilong!" There was a distant cry. "Zhao Zilong!" I looked over to where that voice was coming from and everyone else did as well. Lord Liu Bei slowed to a stop and we followed suit. "Zhao Zilong!" From afar, Qin ran across the field with something with her arms. Her messy hair clung onto her as she ran with all her might, calling to me.

"Go to her."

"My Lord?" I looked to Lord Liu Bei as he nodded to me.

With a small smile, I rode off into the field, quickly approaching the slowing Qin. She came to a stop as I jumped off the horse and grabbed onto her, holding her up within my arms as her legs weakened. "What are you doing, running all this way?"

"You left without breakfast…" She panted against my ear tiredly.

I looked to the covered bowl within her arms and laughed aloud.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I looked down at her, lost for words, too happy by hers as I pushed stray strands from her face. She blinked weakly as her chest heaved, taking in as much air as possible.

I only smiled down at her before holding onto her face, kissing her.

I don't care…

I don't care if anyone saw us.

In this field of yellow flowers, I couldn't care less, I'd kiss her forever if I could and savor her taste.

I laid my forehead against hers as we panted together.

"When you return, I'll tell you my style name." I grinned and gave her a soft peck before pulling myself away, getting back onto the horse with the bowl.

"When I return then." I nodded down at her. "Wait for me."

Half heartedly, I began to trot away while sighing, looking back to my very own, little, child-like wife. I couldn't ride off just yet, I just wanted to be as close to her as possible.

"Xiang Cai!" I stared at her in surprise, stopping. "That's my name…"

"But I haven't even left yet."

She frowned at me before looking away. "Because I already know you'll come back."

I chuckled beneath my breath and rode off, nodding to Liu Bei as I rode beside Ma Chao. We rode and I stared back to Qin who stood in grass watching us leave before she turned and ran back to the city.

I stared down at the bowl and opened it, there were dumplings…

"Looks good." Ma Chao smiled.

"Smells good," said another general.

I only smiled and laughed, staring back at the retreating Qin…

"My very own, little, child-like wife…"


	7. Chapter 7

Hai~! Long time, no read, ne? I meant see! Err, something. Anyways, so I took a break because I "planned" to do Camp Nanowrimo, to see if I can even ever get anything done, especially in a month. Long story short, I couldn't. I kept going in and out of stories and switching. But I'm back. I really wanted to update PBTPT for a long, long time, and I finally did it. It didn't turn out the way I was expecting it to, but it's better than what I originally planned. I liked how chapter 7 turned out, so I hope you'll like it too. Thank you for reading! Please enjoy~!

* * *

Promise by the Peach Tree

Chapter 7

Longing

* * *

The afternoon sunlight peered into the house through the opened windows as I sat at the table with my sisters who laughed and chatted cheerfully. And though they were here with me, as I sat there with my embroidery circle and needle, I couldn't help but feel lost in thoughts.

Lately, I've been thinking… I kept thinking back to the night before Zilong left me on my father's military campaign with my father. I remembered the way that the moonlight casted on his well toned body and the soft words that he whispered into my ears. The way he touched me, the way he kissed me, the way he caressed me… It was all so gentle.

Not once was he ever rough with me.

Even if it had hurt, even if it was felt strange at first, there was a pleasurable sensation in it. It felt good…

If only my husband were still here…then we could…

I blushed and pouted, shaking my head in hopes that I could shake off the thought.

Without realizing it, I have stopped embroidering all together, being lost in my thoughts.

"Ooh~! Just what is Qin Jie Jie thinking about? I wonder~" Yinping teased me, pinching my cheek a little before returning to embroidering. The rest of my cousins giggled quietly, being sure not to look my way.

"Qin Jie Jie must be thinking of Lord Zhao Yun, after all, her face is all red. It's been like think all week!" Zhang Li exclaimed and her quiet older sister decided to chime in as well.

"Something must have happened before Lord Zhao Yun left for Qin Jie Jie's face to become that red."

"Dui, dui! I just wonder what it could be." Sanniang and Yinping giggled together with perverted looks on their faces.

"Could it be? 'Ah! Zhao Zilong, you're so strong, ahh~!'" Yinping gave off a soft whimper, shying away from Sanniang, turning her face away.

"Hey!" I frowned at the two. "Don't call him that! He's my husband, not yours!"

"Ooh, Qin Jie Jie's getting possessive!" Sanniang teased as the girls laughed. "'Xiao Qin'," Sanniang deepened her voice, pretending to be Zhao Zilong as she pulled Yinping into an embrace, "'Don't worry, I'll be gentle with you~!'" She pursed her lips as though she was going to kiss Yinping.

Trying not to laugh, Yinping covered her face away from Sanniang with her sleeve, "'My Lord, how embarrassing!'"

I gasped in horror, "I do not call my husband 'my Lord'! Stop this nonsense immediately!" And I frowned, "And I most definitely do not act like that!"

"'Xiao Qin! My sweet peach blossom!'" They ignored me and continued their little skit. "'Let us go to the bedroom and make love as though ours will never end'!" Sanniang jumped onto Yinping and the two girls fell off their seats, laughing together on the ground.

"Ha, ha, ha! Very funny! Bao Sanniang! Guan Yinping!" I frowned at them, narrowing my eyes. "For your information, we did no such thing, you…" I tried to think of the least vulgar word as possible. "You…indecent young women!" Good enough.

Sanniang and Yinping finally got up after controlling themselves and sat down. "It was only a joke, Jie Jie."

"But what could possibly make you face become all rosy like that?"

"Is it?" Sanniang gasped in shock as she turned to look at Yinping.

Yinping only covered her chest and gasped in horror. "'Lord Zhao Yun, how dare you look at my bosoms!'"

"'Show them to mee~!" Sanniang jumped onto Yingping, pretending to aim for groping her chest.

"Ladies!" I frowned, getting annoyed, but blushing at the same time, "we do not act like this."

"Qin Jie Jie, you're no fun at all!"

"Dui ma! Only Sanniang and I are the playful ones, how boring."

I frowned and stared down at my embroidery circle, continuing to work on my piece of cloth. By the time I expect my husband to come home, a new set of clothes should be ready for him.

My husband, it seems that ever since that night, I've grown more accustom to calling him that. After all, we've consummated, I suppose that's enough to mean that I belong to him already…

No! I…! I don't belong to no man! How…excruciating these thoughts are.

Maybe Xiao Sanniang and Yinping Mei Mei are right. Am I too uptight? Or am I just to defensive? I just don't want to be too vulnerable is all. I can't stand the thought of a man having his way with me whenever he feels like.

But that night, I don't know if I should make it an exception or not, after all, he is my husband. Oh, these thoughts are so complicated?

I sighed and looked out the window, when will my husband come home?

The peach blossoms outside the window were already beginning to bear fruit. My husband left on the day of my birthday. Of course Shan and my sisters celebrated with me, but… No matter, it times of turmoil, who am I, as an insignificant human being, to stall my husband. It's not as though I wish to spend time with him, but if he were to know that it was my day of birth, I would appreciate a gift or at least a few words of blessing. Even my own father left me a gift with Shan.

When will he come home and see me?

* * *

"Qin Jie!" I turned around, pushing back my bangs with the back of my hand. "These do not perish as quickly, is that right?" I smiled and shook my head. "Ah! That's great, I hope that Bao Ge Ge likes them then."

"Yinping must like Ge Ge then! I'll be sure to send that to him in my letter!"

Letter?

"Zhang Li! You best not!"

Why have I not think of that before?

I frowned at myself as I continued to pack packages for the soldiers at war. This one was for my father. Only during these troubled times will my father actually receive kind gifts from me. Sweet buns and pickled vegetables as well as tea I would buy on the way to his domain. Because Zhao Zilong is no longer home, I took comfort in spending my days back in my maiden home.

* * *

_Dear Zhao Zilong…_

I frowned at myself before crumpling up the piece of paper.

_Dear Husband…_

I frowned even more and tore that one to pieces.

I've never written a letter to anyone before, so…how should I start?

I frowned as I sat there in the candle light of my old room. I could ask my sisters, but I wouldn't want them knowing I sent Zilong a letter.

_Dear General…_

I stared down in thought before proceeding with the letter.

_Dear General,_

* * *

"Qin Jie Jie, is this one for me?" Shan held up a piece of cloth that I had been embroidering.

I frowned at him, cutting the fabric beneath my hand. "A'dou! Do not touch! When it's winter, it will be ready for you."

"Qin Jie Jie, why are you so good at everything?"

I frowned a little, averting my eyes before continuing to work on a new winter coat for my husband. Because Shan is not my step mother's son, she doesn't make clothes for him. She has offered, but as I said, A'dou is not her son, I will take care of him. Usually, every summer, I would make a winter coat only for Shan, because my step mother would make ones for her sons and my father already, there's no point in me making any for him anymore. I've gotten better over the years and even my works have been praised, so my husband best be appreciative to have me for a wife.

Shan may ask why I'm so good at everything, but even someone like me does not know how to write a letter to a loved one.

Is Zhao Zilong even a loved one of mine?

_Why haven't you return?_

* * *

"One, two, three, four…" It is usually around this time of year that the girls and I would beginning practicing a new dance for new years. "…five, six, seven, eight!"

So not only do I have to finish making new clothes for Shan and Zilong, I have to make new costumes for myself to match my sisters and other girls.

I can cook and I can dance and I can play instruments, but one thing I'm not very good at is communicating 'sweet' words.

_I'll be expecting you home soon._

* * *

I finished tying the package and tossed it over to Shan to put away in the carriage. "Why is this package so heavy?"

The girls laughed and giggled, "If it is heavy, Qin Jie Jie must have packed something extra special for Lord Zhao Yun~!"

I smiled to the girls sweetly. Something extra special indeed.

_I'll have tea waiting for you._

He never got to drink the tea that I brewed.

I sighed, as I finished packing my father's package and tied it. It was an even bigger package. This strange feeling of sorrow over came my heart and I can't help but feel hurt. It's all because of him that I've gotten better at brewing tea, but he hasn't even tasted my results once.

* * *

"Lord Zhao Yun! A package for you!"

"For me?" Zhao Zilong smiled in glee, approaching the supply packages distributor. "Finally." He smiled sweetly, "I've been waiting all month for this package."

"Waiting to see what Xiao Qin has packed for you, aren't you?"

Lord Ma Chao pat his back roughly, waiting to see what could be there too.

"It's heavy." The distributor lugged it over and dropped it into Zilong's arms.

"It is heavy." He exhaled and inhaled before sighing, reaching to pull the string.

"For it to be so heavy, Lady Liu must have packed something extra special indeed." Zilong laughed, trying not to boast about his little, child-like wife before the three of them watch the package open only to have rocks fall out of it to their feet. They all stared, dumbfounded before Zilong laughed a little, hurt and sighed.

"Zhao Zilong, it seems I have something that belongs to you." They three turned to look over to Lord Liu Bei as he held a package to him. "I figured something was up when my package came twice as big. Xiao Qin would never pack me such a large parcel."

Zhao Yun took the package and opened it, receiving food and a clean pair of clothes as well as a piece of paper stuck in between. He smiled to Lord Liu Bei and bowed. "Thank you, My Lord!"

"No need to thank me." Liu Bei smiled and turned to leave, "It seems she misses you, I assume, to have played such a childish trick."

Zhao Yun smiled and stood back up, carrying his parcel to his tent. To play such a childish trick, after all, she was his, and only his, little, child-like wife.

He sat down and lighted a candle and opened the letter he received, though so small, it was a letter he'll treasure indeed.

_Dear General,_

_Why haven't you return?  
I'll be expecting you home soon.  
I'll have tea waiting for you._

_Also, the day that you left me, I would have appreciated just a simple word of it.  
But I guess it can't be help, perhaps you didn't know what that day meant to me.  
Return as soon as possible, Zhao Zilong._

_Liu Xiang Cai_

"The day that I left you…?" He stared down in confusion before smiling and chuckling to himself. He folded the small letter and stuck inside his shirt, not wanting to lose it, before leaving the tent, asking for paper and a brush and ink, hoping to write a letter back as well.

* * *

Days and weeks passed by and Autumn has already colored the world in orange and red. The leaves of the peach blossoms are beginning to fall. And here I am, taking an afternoon stroll with my sisters and he has yet to return.

I've never realized how lonely it was, being without him. Though I have my sisters, I suppose that it cannot compare to having someone who is supposedly one's lifetime companion, though he may have other wives if he chooses. If he would like to have more wives, he can go ahead and look for them! See if I care! They just can't live in the house my father gave to us. If they can't find a place, perhaps then they are welcomed to sleep on the dirt outside of the house.

* * *

Months have passed and still no return.

I guess it can't be helped that troubled times holds back soldiers at war. And that is the exact reason why I do not like fighting. It was due to fighting that my mother was lost. But as a woman in this world ruled by men, what can I do to ease the chaos… There's nothing I can do.

After a long while, I stopped working on Zilong's new winter coat and finished Shan's instead, having him try it on to see if it would fit well.

"Qin Jie Jie always makes wonderful clothes." Shan smiled brightly, excited about his new coat.

"Of course." I tore the seams out of Zilong's coat, making Shan stare at me in shock. "Because I can't have my brother be seen dressed improperly and unsuitably."

"Qin Jie, what are you doing?" Shan approached me and laid a hand on mines. He seemed surprised, perhaps because my hands were so cold.

I only looked up to Shan, "Why make a coat for Zilong when he's not even here?" I frowned and continued to tear the seams out.

Shan only frowned and sat next to me, taking the little knife away from me and threaded a needle, sewing it back himself. "Qin Jie Jie, even though Lord Zhao Yun's not here right now, you already know that he'll be here sooner or later. Qin Jie Jie must really miss Lord Zhao Yun." He smiled to me reassuringly.

I frowned at him, looking away before smirking and scoffing. "I don't really care if he returns or not, all I have is you, A'dou. And it'll be just you and me."

Shan frowned as me and stood up, dropping the cloths. "Jie, don't be so cold. That's the part of you that I don't like most. Not only is he your husband, but he is also our savior." My eyes began to well up. "You shouldn't say such horrible things, you'll never know if the heavens decide to punish you for your words or not." Shan bowed to me before taking off his coat and leaving my room.

I couldn't get rid of this pain in my heart, but I refused to cry out loud as well. And though I tried so hard, I couldn't stop the tears that slid down my cheeks.

I can't believe that I'm actually thinking this but…I really do miss Zhao Zilong.

Though I've been so heartless to him and so hard on him, he's been so kind and patient with me. I would always be yelling at him and refusing any of his requests, but he would always be gentle with me and would do whatever I ask of him.

I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good person. And it's selfish of my, but I don't want him to come back to me because I don't deserve such a good husband. There's nothing good in life that I deserve at all.

I mean and I'm uncompassionate and I say mean things and I'm just not good at being good and so many things!

Because I'm like this, one day, he'll come to resent me. He'll hate me and leave me.

* * *

A message came a while ago and it is expected that everyone would return home on this day at dawn.

Early this morning, just as I promised, I went home to prepare some tea. I even prepared breakfast and covered it in the hopes that it'll stay warm. I had everything ready and waiting for him.

Not one letter came back from him, but I assume that he doesn't feel obligated to reply. No worries, after all, I am nothing but a wife living at home expected to cook and clean after all.

I stood at the side, all lined up along with families, sons, daughters, wives, lovers, waiting for the men to return from the troubled times to a more peaceful time.

It was cold this morning and I had forgotten to prepare a coat for myself so I wore the one I made last year. Everyone but me wore new coats, holding a few more that awaited the returning soldiers from war, even though they knew the possibility that some of them may not return.

"I see them!" a young child shouted as everyone turned their heads towards the gates where, from a distance, a large line of horses and foot soldiers raced on the path towards home. The people shouted in joy and called for their loved ones who entered the city. Lady Wu and her children as well as Shan greeted my father when he approached. My sisters went to greet their fathers and brothers as well. I looked around and saw the people hugging and crying tears of joy with some who've returned and saw some who've returned hold families who cried in sorrow of those who did not make it back home.

This is what times of turmoil does to people, and this is what I mate more than anything.

The feeling to be happy for others when their loved ones return and the feeling to be hurt for those who have lost their loved ones.

And what about me? Has my husband returned to me yet? I looked straight on ahead, standing in my place, waiting for him, waiting to see him. Waiting to catch sight of him.

Where could he be?

"_But I haven't even left yet."_

"_Because I already know you'll come back."_

Those were the last words that we exchanged to each other. Barely newlyweds and he already had to leave for war.

Where could my husband be?

A hand laid on my shoulder, and startled, I turned with my breath caught in my throat. Could it be? I stared up at one of the Five Tiger Generals and stared down before bowing. "My Lord."

"Lady Liu!" I stood back up at Lord Ma Chao, who held his daughter and his son in his arms. "Looking for Zilong, are you not?"

I stared down before looking back up at him. "Not in particular."

He laughed at me. "Such a steel heart for a young woman, I could've never imagined. You, sending a parcel of rocks to Zilong."

I smiled and crossed my arms, "Well, have you seen him?"

He frowned a little, "Not really. We separated at some point during the campaign, but I'm sure that if something were to happen to him, we'd all know by now, am I right?"

I sighed, "I suppose so."

"Apparently he sent this letter to you but it was forgotten and lost among our supplies. I'm sorry this hasn't reached you for months."

"It's not a problem." I took the envelope from his hand and looked back up.

"Also, thank you for watching over Feng and Cheng for me, I couldn't be happier that it is you taking care of them."

I chuckled a little, "Perhaps you can be happier."

He laughed, "This young woman. Alright, Feng, Cheng, say thank you to Auntie alright? And we'll go home."

The two children said their thanks and we waved to each other as they left. I turned around again and looked about for any signs of my husband. I held the letter in my hands. What would be the point of opening a letter if it was late already anyways?

I sighed, standing there, still waiting. Most have already gone home. I told my father that I would wait for Zilong before returning home on my own, even if he told me he may already be home, waiting for me. I decided to wait and he told me it was good of me as his wife. Good of me as his wife?

I sighed and waiting once more. A lot of families have already returned home and I was standing here, left with the crying civilians who were still mourning their lost ones. And if it is just me, here with them, perhaps I've already lost my husband as well.

I did not cry. Though it pained me, I didn't have the heart to.

Perhaps because I was so busy being upset at myself for being so stupid. For saying such stupid things.

_"I don't really care if he returns or not…"_

I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid…

I'm the worst person in the world.

And I can feel my face start to scrunch up. I looked around again and I still did not see him. If anything, he would never be hard to miss!

I covered my lower face and stared down. I can feel the feelings bursting inside me, threatening to show them to the outside world.

I won't let that happen, I won't let people see me cry!

I crumpled the letter inside my hand and turned to walk home with my head held high.

I walked alone by myself, walking through the sadness and the joy that conflicted within the city, making my way home, alone, on foot.

It was a cold winter's day, but I can't really tell if I'm freezing or not. Perhaps I'm just as cold as the air is, as the snow is.

I walked home and closed the door behind me once I entered. The tea had stopped steaming and the food was probably just as cold. I sat down at the dining table and there I sat, broken inside as I wept to myself, alone.

I tried so hard to hold my feelings inside so at times I would stop crying and simply breathe in and out just to get some air before crying aloud once more. I sniffled and used my hands to wipe my tears and nose and continued to cry as I held Zilong's letter and the coat I made him in my arms.

All this effort for nothing!

This coat! The tea! The food!

But there's no one else but me to blame.

I took my husband for granted.

And though I said such horrible words, really, all I really wanted, more than anything in the world was to be able to see him. I want to see my husband. I want to hear his sweet words and feel his gentleness. I want to be with my husband, but I don't know how to cherish him.

I laid my head on his coat against the table and found the courage within me to open his letter.

Has he sent me sweet words and gentleness?

_To my Dear Wife._

_There's no telling when this campaign will end, but I too hope to return to you.  
Wait for me, I'll be there.  
I look forward to seeing you.  
You don't have to promise me anything, just be there when I arrive.  
That will be enough for me._

_I don't know how to write letters to women, but rather than sending you laughable dialogue, I'll be honest with you instead.  
I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.  
I can't wait to take in your scent once more.  
I can't wait to watch you in your sleep again.  
I can't wait to hear your voice again._

_And the most honest of truths…  
I can't wait to kiss you again._

_And the day that I left, I think you must've meant your birthday.  
I'll only assume from your letter that you went back to live with your brother so you wouldn't have to be alone.  
I can't tell you how relieved I am to know that.  
But I suppose that when you woke up that morning, you didn't see my gift to you that I left one top of the dresser.  
I hope that you'll like it.  
When I saw it, the first thing I thought of was your beautiful and bright smile.  
That is the smile I hope to see when I return to you._

_Zhao Zilong._

The dresser?

Immediately, I stopped my sobbing and wiped my tears and nose, standing up and making my way to our bedroom quickly. There sat a small red box with a little note beneath it. "Happy Birthday to my Dear Wife," it said. Was it sorrow or guilt that hit me in the chest? I couldn't find the heart to open it, and when I forced myself to, I broke down in tears at the sight of a jeweled bracelet with pearls on it.

Who am I to have deserved such a wonderful and kind husband…?

"What are you crying for?"

That voice…

I turned my dirtied face to see Zhao Zilong, standing in the doorway of our bedroom with a sad look. "Is something wrong?" I frowned and flushed at him.

All these emotions, I wanted to bury them inside my but they just wouldn't stay put. "You!" I screamed at my husband. "You!"

"Me?!" He stared in utter shock and confusion.

I frowned at him, trying to hold in my horrific sobs and approached him, punching him in the chest, knowing that the only one I was hurting was myself. "Why weren't you there when everyone else arrived?! Why didn't you show up and greet me!? Why did you make me stand there with everyone who lost their husbands and sons and made me think I've lost you too!? Why!" I cried and sniffled as I continuingly punched him and hit him and kicked him, just wanting to get it all out until he caught my wrists in his large hands. I burst into tears and cried there, weeping terribly, unable to stop the emotions that just flowed with water the leaked from my eyes. "You shouldn't have come back! You should have just left me to suffer because I don't deserve someone like you! I'm a horrible wife! I'm a horrible person! I said that I wouldn't really care if you came back or not but I do care! All I wanted was to see you again but you didn't show up and I was really hurt! You made me think it was my fault that you never came back! But you shouldn't have come back because I'm just so stupid and I'm so horrible and I don't deserve anything good in life!"

As he held me in his gentle embrace, I couldn't help but cry more. He's always so gentle to me. He's always so kind to me? I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of this at all.

"What about me?"

I quieted down to that.

"What about what I want?"

But Zilong doesn't deserve a wife like me who has such a bad attitude.

"I think I deserve the things that I want and the one that I want and the one that I want is you." He held me tight in his embrace. "The only one I want is Xiao Qin!" Those words echoed within me, making me feel more and more painful in my chest. "You knew I'd come back to you. You even said it to me. Why do you doubt yourself?" He pulled my chin to make me look him in the eye but I only looked away. "Look at me!" I stared into his eyes with my red, teary ones. "You're an amazing girl. You write such sweet poetry, you dance so beautifully, you cook so wonderfully, you're an amazing seamstress. You care so much about others and Lord Liu Shan and your cousins all look up to you. I don't know if you deserve such a neglecting husband like me or if I deserve such a beautiful wife like you, but I do know that you are the one I want and I will fight against destiny and fate just to have you beside me!" All the words that ran through my head, they all disappeared because of him.

I feel better all because of him. To know that even though, perhaps, I don't deserve him, he wants me. And though it's hard for me to admit him, he's the one I want too! I never want to be without him! Never again! For it to take almost a year for me to realize it, I truly am such an idiot.

"Liu Xiang Cai, you are mine." I look up to him as he smiled down at me, that sweet and gentle smile of his, before he leaned down and met his lips with mine.

It wasn't even night time yet, but he made my cold skin feel hot beneath the blankets of our bed. His every touch from his fingers and his every caress from his lips, as gentle as he always was with me. And it must be his gentleness that was warmed up my heart.

Because without him, I don't think I'd ever feel this way about a man.

I probably wouldn't even have felt this way with Ping.

I love my husband, I do! I do, I do, I do!

I can only think it, I'll never be ready to say it, but I love him so much and I'm so glad to have him back in my arms again, to take in his scent again, to watch him in his sleep again, to have heard his voice again. And also, to have been able to kiss him again. All these words, they'll never be enough to explain to him how much I care about him. And even all these words, I don't have the courage to say to him.

I love him, I love him, I love him more than anything in the whole world.

I don't know if I'll ever get over anything that happened in the past, but I know that he is the one I want.

* * *

"Ah, Xiang Cai, do you know what today is?"

I looked up to Zilong as he held me in his arms. "What is it?" I was rather tired after Zilong's very energetic love making, and was quite sore too, after all, it was only my second time, especially over half a year…

He laughed down at me. "Today's my birthday."

My face immediately drained and turned into shock. "Today's your birthday?" I immediately forced myself away from him and covered myself.

"Actually, it's the day that my mother celebrates my birth."

I stared at him in shock… "B-b-b-buh…..b-but…I have nothing I can give to you."

"Well, technically you just kind of gave yourself to me." He laughed hesitantly but stopped when he saw the scowl on my face. "But you don't have to give me anything. Just being home with you is enough for me. I'm more than happy to be able to come home to my wife, safe and sound."

I frowned a little, feeling bad. "Okay, well then…you may have a peek."

"Ehh?"

After all…I never let him see my body when we're making love…

* * *

"Ahh, Xiao Qin~"

"Don't look down!" I pushed his head up as soon as I saw he was about to look down and fix himself.

"Xiao Qin~!"

"Don't look down!"

"But if I don't look down, I won't know where to put it."

"T-then! Just feel around!" A few seconds later, "Don't look down!"

* * *

My cheeks grew red as I moved the blanket to reveal my bare body to my husband and as soon as he saw me, his eyes grew wide before he turned around to look away.

I covered myself again and frowned. "W-what's wrong?"

He stayed quiet for a little bit, cover his face or something. "Y-you're so pure."

What I didn't know was that he was just as pure too, covering his face because his nose was bleeding.

* * *

A week later...

"Waah! Qin Jie Jie! Where did you get such a pretty bracelet?!" All the girls were staring at the jeweled bracelet Zilong gave to me as I sat there, delicately drinking tea with them.

"Zhao Zilong got it for me for my birthday~"

"But that was all the way back in April!"

"Qin Jie Jie! One of these days, can I borrow it and wear it?"

I frowned at Yinping. "O-of course not!" I blushed and pouted. "I-it's mine! Zilong gave it to me!"

"Oh!" All my sisters stared at me and looked to each other with shifty eyes, smirking to one another. "Qin Jie Jie's getting possessive again~."

They all giggled together.

"'Xiao Qin~! Kiss! MEEEEEE~!'" Sanniang deepened her voice, mocking my husband as she held onto Yinping, making kissing noises as Yinping squealed and tried to push her away.

"No! My Lord! We're out in public!"

"S-stop it!" I screamed at the younger girls, standing up as they all laughed.

And at the other table, my father sat with Zilong, enjoying their own tea as well.

"Ahh, the youth…"

"Yes, My Lord, what a time to be alive…"


End file.
